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STALE offers one way for you to print out this issue. No matter how slow your printer or fast your connection, it will always be faster to print STALE than to wait for one single page of the online version to download. This is due to our proprietary ".asp" format and nasty habit of forcing a square-peg print design into a circular HTML hole. But that's beyond the scope of this discussion.
To print STALE:
- Locate your browser's "Print" button
- Move your mouse device so that the cursor is over this button
- "Click" the button on your mouse device
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Get STALE by e-mail. If your e-mail provider allows it, that is, if you are not paying more money for less service from a large online service instead of a standard Internet Service Provider (ISP), you could schedule regular delivery of STALE's print-out edition directly to your computer. This way, you would be able to read STALE without entering the Web. However, we have not yet figured out how to provide the download times which STALE has achieved online. Therefore we do not yet offer this option.
However, we have recently bought out several dozen small technology companies with know-how in this area, and we are currently beta testing and conducting focus groups. When we do implement this feature, it will work best if you are on a Corporate LAN, preferably ours, which you will be on eventually anyway.
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Get STALE by U.S. Mail. To order STALE on Paper, leave your address on microfilm in a hollow pumpkin in your backyard. The subscription price is alarmingly high.
Single copies of STALE on Paper will be available for viewing exclusively on episodes of Friends, Thursday evenings at 8:00 on NBC/TV. We expect to add this feature in time for the fall season.
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To hear our theme song and other sound elements of STALE, you need Progressive Networks' RealAudio. Click below to download it for free. (Allow about a few days at 14.4k, half that at 28.8k.)
Click here to download RealAudio.
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STALE works with most major Internet browsers, just not very well, and not at all with AOL. (Nothing works with AOL. Even AOL doesn't work with AOL. Wake up.) Regardless of our "commitment" to open standards, STALE works best (no surprise, nudge nudge, wink wink) with Microsoft Internet Explorer. We recommend Netscape users upgrade. You can download IE 2.0 here free. (Allow about a month at 14.4k, half that at 28.8k.)
Click here to download Internet Explorer.
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Every article in STALE, regardless of length, has its own page. There are three special navigational devices:
 This appears at the top of every page. Print magazines use page numbers because pages must be in a particular order to make long articles readable. On the web, page numbers are meaningless, counterintuitive and actually quite confusing. Would you know that clicking on STALE would take you to the table of contents unless you had read this fine print?
This appears at random. You will never use it, because unless you can read very long URLs, you will have no idea where any of these little arrows will take you.
This appears at the bottom of every page, unless it doesn't. The little white lines tell you what page you are on, which in turn tells you nothing. If you have memorized what page a particular article is on, you can click on that number and jump right to it.
Coming very very very soon: a reader-discussion area called "The Fray," wherein we set aside a little area for the little people.
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E-mail us at editors@stale.com with any technical questions, comments, or pissed-off corporate letterhead memos. Cease and desist orders can be mailed directly to the legal department.
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