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behind
closed doors
gay and
married
Five men,
all married with children. Because of 'their culture'. Even
in the liberated zones of South Africa you will find married
men hanging around in gay bars during the day. Victor Mkhize
reports
This
is just an ordinary man. Married, of course, with children.
He didn't grow up in the urban society - he comes from the
rural areas. He is a Zulu man and he is gay or bisexual. He
didn't grow up in the sixties or the nineties. He grew up
in the forties! Where were you then? I was not even born by
then when this man already had gay feelings.
Because
of his marital status and for the sake of his children he
didn't want to identify himself..But he told me all the frustrations
that he went through because of his sexuality, that he doesn't
get turned on by a woman at all. If he needs to make love
to his wife he must always think of the men making love to
him.
He told
me that his homosexual feelings are stronger than the heterosexual
feelings ever since he was a child. He always knew that he
was different from the other boys that he grew up with. One
day he went to his church and confessed to his priest and
then the priest went and told his wife. But his wife never
asked him about it.
He says
he knows that his wife knows about him. Asked how he feels
about it he said that he has accepted the way he is and he
is happy about himself. But he wants to be classified as bisexual
because to him that means something else. This man is in his
sixties.
Homosexuality
is not something new, it has always been there.
Pray
to get an erection
The second
man is also from Zululand and he is also working in Johannesburg
This man is a little bit younger that the first one. He told
me that he had to get married because he was the only boy
in his family so he was forced by the circumstances. He said
if it was today he was not going to marry a woman because
of the way he feels. He told me that he had no feelings for
women from his early childhood.
All the
times if he's going to have sex he must always think of a
man making love to him. He told me that he is not happy at
all with his marriage. It's because of the way he feels. When
I asked him if he is bisexual or gay he told me that he was
gay. He told me that his worse nightmare is to sleep with
a woman because he must always pray that he gets an erection.
And that
is not a good feeling at all.
Person
with two organs…
The third
man is from Bloemfontein in the Free State. He is married
with two children him. They are both working class. He is
a teacher and his wife is a secretary.
You would
expect that a teacher knows everything but not in the case
of this man when it comes to his sexuality. He didn't know
the difference between the hermofrodiate and a bisexual. He
thought that a bisexual person is a person with two sexual
organs.
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His
story was a little bit different from the other two. He told
me that he only tells his mind. If he is with a man or woman
he doesn''t have any problem whatsoever about his sexuality.
When I
asked him which feeling dominates he told me that the homosexual
one dominates above the heterosexual one.When I asked him
how did he come to that conclusion he told that he can tell
from the rage he develops if he wouldn't have man to man sex.
When I
asked him how does classified himself he said he was homosexual,
he didn't want to called bisexual.
His
mother found him a wife
The fourth
man is from Venda in the Northern Province. This man is well
respected in the area where he's coming from and he is a teacher
in one of the High Schools, also in the same area. He is married
with five children and he's got a beautiful house also in
Venda.
When I
spoke to this man he said to me he got married because of
his mother. She arranged for him to marry the woman he is
living with. He said if it wasn't for his mother he was not
going to get married at all. He said that if he's going to
have sex he must always think of a man making love to him.
Remember: this man is well respected man in the area.
He has
got a big family. In other words: this is a family man. So
it doesn't matter who you are and where you are coming from.
A feeling is a feeling. When I asked him if he would classify
himself as bisexual he said yes..
And he
is happy with the way he is.
The fifth
man is from Orange Farm, a township close to Johannesburg
He is married with two children. Him and his wife are both
teachers. He told me that he only get the complete satisfaction
from man to man sex.
He admitted
that he enjoys both sex but there is only one Thing that gives
him real satisfaction. He said he is happily married. The
only problem he has is sexual satisfaction. I asked him how
would he like to classify himself and he answered: bisexual.
And he is happy with the way he is.
For the
children Not all cases of these men are the same. It differs
from person to person but they all share the same: marriag.
And the children are involved in the whole thing. All the
men told me that they had stayed to their marriages because
of their children. If it wasn't for that they would have been
long gone.
Most of
them told me they were forced 'by their culture' to get married.
And also the peer pressure forced them to get married during
the olden days. There were no other options. Unlike today
where people make their own choices freely. But still in South
Africa, if you go to the gay Bars in the afternoon most of
the people you will find there are the married man.
They go
pass there for a quicky before they go home to wife and children.You
could see that these people are not free at all. You see desparation
written all over their faces. It's very sad to suppress yourself
just to please other people...
When they
could be busy enjoying themselves.
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