'My name is Pelekani Luwenji, I am a homosexual'

I'm 20 years old and live in Longacres at the Foreign Affairs flats. You see I am not afraid to come out in the open, even if giving my exact location will probably get me into trouble. But what gives you the right to beat me up? What gives you, the police, the right to want to come and arrest me? I'm a homosexual and I'm proud of who I am. Why should I let the Zambian society scare me? I know you might find this letter unacceptable but it's about somebody who stood up for gay rights. This issue has been around us for a long time. It's time for someone like me to speak up or write about it. What makes someone homosexual? Why does a man have sex with a man? Why do girls become lesbians? Even I do not have that answer. The best I can do is tell you how it happened to me and reflect my views or different angles, which might reach a more conclusive climax. But I know to conclude the issue would be impossible because you will still ask questions, so here's my story.

It was England. The year was 1991 and I was 12 years old. It was in boarding school. One hot afternoon, the grass was green and the flowers were pretty in their natural colour: green, purple and white. I was sitting on a bench. In front of me, a few yards away, was a swimming pool and kids were swimming and having fun. I was watching. A boy sat next to me on the bench, I won't write his name but I knew him because we were in the same dormitory. We started talking and had a good laugh. Then something happened . I started to rub his hair. He looked into my eyes and asked me if I liked him. It took time to think of an answer. I had to be sure about what I meant. When I looked into his eyes I knew the answer. Yes, I think you are beautiful, I said to him. After that day we had sex secretly in private places. But no matter where you are, people know. So rumours were spread all over the school. He was white. What made me fall in love with him was his cute face. His smile was captivating. His body was perfect and he made me feel good inside. I didn't even care if he was a boy. It was like my body was doing all the decision-making and I was like a slave being pulled towards the temptation of a new lust. My curiosity was leading me, we all know the phrase "curiosity killed the cat" . While in this situation the cat was saved, saved from the girls. That's my story.

The Bible and Christianity do not like homosexuals. I will never understand why. Yes, according to the Bible it is a sin. A Christian would say it is the work of the devil. I don't think so. You see I'm not a Christian and I do not believe in God. But I would if only he and his son Jesus Christ would allow homosexuality. You are reading this and saying that this boy is going to hell, well tough shit. I don't believe in heaven and hell. I believe in human rights. You, the politicians and the Christians or the haters, want to bury and kill every homosexual in Zambia. Someone on Zambia National Broadcasting Corperation News once said we should continue to be ignored. Ignored! What does he mean? He has already brought the topic on TV. People will now talk and discuss among their loved ones. If Zambians choose to ignore homosexuals, then they are blind. When I came back to this country, I was disgusted by the way Zambian teenage girls were behaving.
Thank God, I sleep with boys!

Zambian girls have a rather irritating tendency of wanting the guys with the most money or the coolest car. It's not surprising that HIV/AIDS is so high in this country. When you try to help a certain boy or girl they push you away. They have this ridiculous attitude that sex is cool. Some say stupid things like 'Me, I can't get AIDS' but when they finally get it , they are the ones complaining and praying for forgiveness. A girl in this country does not know the meaning of true love. They confuse love with sex. They are corrupt.

This is one of the reasons I chose to become a homosexual, even when I was 12 years old I knew that girls where destructive. When I slept with that boy the passion was breath taking. It felt better than that scene in the movie Titanic when sexy Leonardo Dicaprio is with okay Kate Winslet and they are looking at the sun. Now you 're probably wondering why I don't have kind words for girls like this. You might be asking, 'Why can't he try being with a girl before judging?' Guess what? I tried being with a girl, her name was Mercy. Mercy was a fraud. She said she loved me and she would stand by me no matter what. You know something else? I fell in love with her. It took me two months to erase her from my mind and to burn every letter she wrote to me. It was after she hurt me that I remembered my past. I became a homosexual again. I will never ever go back to any girl. I don't trust girls. They are the worst creature here on this earth. Cats and dogs are more well-behaved than girls. If there is any girl reading this then I'm sorry. You girls, all you want is money and sex. Why can't you finish school and wait until you get married?

Please don't insult me for this letter. It wasn't just Mercy who made me become homosexual, it was an arrogancy of many other girls and the hatred of certain people. I still have dreams of getting back to girls. I can even consider becoming a bi-sexual. I will take my chances of homosexual. At least being gay will satisfy my everyday need for enjoyment and everlasting comfort and passion. In TIME magazine a woman wrote that gays and lesbians should have fair and equal treatment. I know that many Zambians are against homosexuality. I know some can stupidly say that homosexuals are a threat to Zambian society. Can I please enlighten on some truthful and interesting insights on this whole issue? How can we be a threat to the nation or the children? When people try to overthrow the government that is a threat. When a mad man is going around Lusaka raping and killing women or little girls, that is a threat. When the entire country goes into war and all our children are killed, that is a threat to Zambia. To say that homosexuals are a threat to this country is completely nonsense. Children can be very safe near me. They can hug me without fear. When I am with them I simply try to be a father to them. I also respect children.

Religion is a form of teaching love amongst people and yet you call us outcasts and sinners. Stop your praying over useless things and do what I am going to do, carry on living. Leave homosexuals alone. All we want is love and to be loved. We are human beings, don't call us freaks of the nature or diseased people. Hatred is a real disease, because you are full of hatred. I may be homosexual but I'm one guy who knows what true love is. So please give homosexuals a chance.

Please note that this article was done by Trendsetters monthly paper in Zambia, later released to Behind The Mask.

© Behind The Mask
(Ndanji Chola)