Jawn: You worked at Frito Lay prior to your career in comedy. Tell me about what other jobs you’ve had.

Bruce Bruce: Before Frito Lay I was a chef. Before that I was a pimp. I was pimping in ‘73, ‘74, and ’75. I got saved in ’76, and backslide in ‘77, came back to Christ in ‘78 and here I am right now pimping.

Jawn: You talk about getting saved and going to church, do you adjust the way you talk when you are around church folks?

Bruce Bruce: Naw, I still do the same humor in church. I cuss in church and everything. Sometime you got to, to get your point across. Because you know Sampson in the Bible, he used to beat people with the jawbone of a jackass. You know the story. But, I heard a preacher preach it that he beat everybody’s ass with a jaw, so people do cuss in churchman.

Jawn: How did you get to come back for a second term as host of “Comic View?”

Bruce Bruce: I’m the only repeated host of Comic View since D.L. Hughley. D.L. was the only repeated host, he did ’91 to ‘92, and I have done 2001 to 2002. I’ll probably be back another year.

Jawn: You’re a big guy, man. How did you manage to deal with the New Orleans heat while taping “Comic View” last summer?

Bruce Bruce: Yeah, New Orleans is hot as a motherf****r. I had to wear a strap on air conditioner, you know, how women wear bras. They did it differently this year. Last year it was in New Orleans and this year they’re doing it in different cities. We started in Miami then Atlanta, Detroit, Chicago, and Houston. Arnez J. did three cities of Comic View and I did the rest.

Jawn: Do people ever steal you jokes?

Bruce Bruce: Oh, all the time, all the time! What can I do, beat them up? Naw, man I just keep making up some new jokes and keep on moving. I can’t put no energy into it. I’ve heard them do them on “Comic View.” I’ll be right on stage looking at them.

Jawn: You’ve appeared in music videos and you were featured in the film, “The Wash.” Are you looking to do more projects like those?

Bruce Bruce: Film and TV are the next phase for me. In “The Wash,” they didn’t allow me to be myself. They told me to be this certain character doing security when they should of just let me be myself and dive all across the floor and head butt some elephants or something like that. They didn’t allow me to do that, but my time is coming, I’m coming out with a movie. It’s coming out next fall and it’s called “There’s a Ghost in My Sister’s Ass.” Every time somebody get ready to have sex with her somebody says, “Oooooo,” and ghost sounds come out her ass.

Jawn: You reference your son in your standup routine. Do you have any other kids?

Bruce Bruce: I got two sons and a daughter. Now, I don’t talk about my oldest son because he ain’t the sharpest knife in the drawer. He dumb as a motherf****r, but he is my oldest son. He is 22-years-old and he ain’t got no more sense then a Billie goat. So I really don’t talk much about him because I’m really not proud of him. If I could kill him and get away with it, he be a dead motherf****r in the morning. I still love him and that’s my son. My 18-year-old, he’s cool. My daughter is 17-years old and she’s cool. They my homies, all three of them, but that oldest one needs some medical help.

Jawn: You’re divorced, right?

Bruce Bruce: I used to be married to the devil’s little sister. That was the dirtiest b***h in the world. If she caught on fire I wouldn’t piss on her. I wouldn’t even allow Black (another comedian sitting backstage) to piss on her.

Jawn: Let’s talk about some current events. What’s your take on the R. Kelly scandal?

Bruce Bruce: R. Kelly needs his ass whipped. Let me tell you something, this is my personal thing with R. Kelly. It’s nothing wrong with having sex with girls, but get you need to get somebody up in age. I think R. Kelly sings and he need to do porno because I think that is what he wants to do. I can’t talk him down because we both love women, but do porno if that’s what you want to do.

Jawn: You’re from Atlanta, how do you feel about Pepsi firing your Atlanta homeboy Ludacris?

Bruce Bruce: I thought it was bull. He’s not a thug, he’s no thug rapper, you know what I’m saying? They said he was misrepresenting Pepsi. Now if he had said Trick Daddy, we know it’s a thug in the house. But Ludacris is a cool rapper and he’s just like Will Smith to me.

Jawn: What about Michael Jackson crying racism in the music industry?

Bruce Bruce: Michael Jackson, I don’t know why he doing that because now he’s white. They can’t be racist because when record companies are racist it’s against black people and he know he’s a white boy. I don’t know what Michael is going through.

Jawn: What about Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton’s complaints about “Barbershop?”

Bruce Bruce: I don’t care if they’re talking about Martin Luther King, I don’t care if they talking about Harriet Tubman, I don’t care if they talking about O.J. Simpson -- funny is funny. It’s just a joke, but Jesse don’t need to say a damn thing. This motherf****r is still f**king and Jesse is like 180-years-old and he’s married. Al done lost all that weight, looking like he hitting that pipe real hard, but he looking good. They just need to let it go, man. Every time a black man or black women get a chance to make a step in life and do something for themselves it’s always a another nigga knocking it down. F**k Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson and they ain’t did s**t for me anyway! When my momma was broke we couldn’t call them motherf*****s!

Jawn: What do you think about Whitney’s effort to salvage her music career?

Bruce Bruce: Whitney Houston ain’t coming back! She’s coming back to that pipe! Everybody knows that Whitney is on that pipe and Bobby Brown is feeding it to her. Now how can she say he’s the King of R&B;? I ain’t heard nothing since Bobby did “My Prerogative,” and he ain’t have none then. He got three kids on Central Row in Atlanta that look just like him, Whitney send them a check every month.

Jawn: Before I let you go, Kym Whitley told me to ask you why are you so big and your ponytail is so small? But I see you stopped wearing the ponytail.

Bruce Bruce: Every since I [slept with] Kym and left her alone, I’ve been having this problem. You understand I dogged her, I treated her like s**t, you know what I’m saying. I cussed her mama out, I egged her car and bust out the windows, but I told her if she makes it through that, she’ll be alright.

Jawn: Why’d you stop wearing your ponytail?

Bruce Bruce: Well my hair rolled down to my shoulders but the real reason why I got rid of the ponytail is because I didn’t like the perm. The perm thins your hair out and hairstylists don’t tell you that.. They just want your money every week. So I decided to take control of my hair and let it thicken up, and do the twist thing that will make me look sexy and look young.

To hear more of Bruce Bruce’s crazy commentaries, check him out Mondays through Saturdays on BET’s “Comic View.”

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This Just In: Toni Braxton is headed back to Broadway. Starting next June, Braxton will play the lead in the musical “Aida.” R&B; newcomer Heather Headley originated that role, in the Elton John and Tice Rice production. Toni appeared on Broadway several years ago in the musical “Beauty & The Beast.” In the meantime, Toni is preparing for the November 19 release of her new album “More Than A Woman.” Many may remember that I broke the news in this very column on September 17th that Toni was pregnant with her second child.

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What A Wonderful City: I attended The Hopeville Tour last week in Washington, DC. Hopeville is an imaginary city created by Kirk Franklin. The show meshes comedy, drama, and some of the best gospel music known to man. Co-headlined by Franklin, Yolanda Adams, and Donnie McClurkin, this has to be one of the strongest gospel lineups to ever go on the road. The show starts out with each artist on stage, with Kirk actually entering on bicycle. Also on the bill is my new favorite gospel singer, Smokie Norful. In addition to singing in Kirk’s ensemble throughout the show, Smokie performs his powerful hit song “I Need You Now.” Yolanda, Donnie, and Kirk each perform for about 45-minutes before uniting at the end of the show to perform multiple songs together. You hear each of the talents’ respective hits during the joint medley, including “Open My Heart,” “We Fall Down,” and “Hosanna.” This tour is doing so well that they are selling out in most cities and adding more and more dates to accommodate the demand. Publicist Jalila Larsuel took me backstage after the finale to speak to Kirk and to finally meet Smokie in person. I asked Kirk to send me a Gucci suit like the one he was wearing in my size for Christmas. Since he didn’t take down my address, I am going to trust and believe God will tell him where I live so he can mail it. Hopeville is a wonderful place to be, so make sure you visit when it comes to your town.

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Oh, Those String Beans: I attended a soiree at the New Jersey estate of SWV member Coko this past weekend. Coko and her beau Mike Clemons, a talented music producer who has worked with everyone to Mary J. Blige to Tyrese, held an intimate dinner party. In addition to her family and friends, radio/TV talent Big Lez was also in the house with her boyfriend, Johnny, a sought after guitarist. Can I tell you that Coko’s mother, Lady Tibba, prepared some string beans that made you want to smack somebody. For real! I have never had anything like them in my life. She even wrapped me a plate up in some aluminum foil to take back home with me. (I know, I can be a little ghetto, but you would have been too if you would have tasted those string beans.) One of Coko’s best friends, Janeen “Sing ‘til your buttons pop off” Sanders helped co-host the affair. Her aunt Sheila Laney told me she is a talented singer and even said Mariah and Whitney ain’t even ready for what she can do. You bad, Sheila, you bad! Let me tell you about Coko’s cousin Brad. Touch your neighbor and say, “Off the hook!” He really needs to think about a career in standup comedy. By the way, Keith Sweat knows he shouldn’t have acted like that! (It’s an inside joke!) Thanks Coko and Mike, I had a great time!

Before I forget, I got to listen to some of the new music that SWV has recorded and all I can say is, “Wow!” Additionally, the song “Midnite” that Coko recorded with Brent Jones & TP Mobb is apparently catching on at mainstream radio like Yolanda Adams’ “Open My Heart” two years ago. The song was recently added to KJLH in Los Angeles, CA and is #2 on the station’s playlist. A music video for the tune is apparently in the works. “Midnite” is featured on Brent’s album “Beautiful,” which is in stores now.

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2 Close For Comfort: According to Marc Malkin’s Intelligencer column in New York Magazine, supermodel Tyson Beckford may have two stalkers after him. Apparently, two women keep showing up at his weekly party at the New York City nightspot Veruka. The drama started about a month ago when two twentysomethings -- a chunky brunette and a lithe redhead -- showed up at Beckford's Tuesday-night "Saint-Tropez" party and wouldn't leave his side. A source told Malkin, "They were following him around everywhere, talking to him about getting him a part in their movie. But after they followed him to the bathroom, he told security they had to go." After the guards escorted the duo outside, they wouldn’t leave. The wacky girls sat curbside screaming and crying until 5 a.m. "They were acting so crazy, security escorted Tyson to his car," said a source. The pair has shown up every Tuesday since, trying to dupe security by wearing disguises. "I've seen them standing at the door, wearing different hats," says our spy, "but they never get in." Poor Tyson!

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Did I Ever?: Say I’m glad we have both “Showtime In Harlem” and “It’s Showtime at the Apollo” on television now. It’s great that our Black entertainers have more than one outlet to perform on now…..Express that I’m curious about whatever happened to the groups Hi-Five, The Boys, and H-Town. Anybody know?…..Ask why does VH1’s only urban-driven show, “Soul of VH1,” only come on at like 2am on Saturday nights?…..Question why are so many artists against the term neo-soul? I understand the some artists don’t like being categorized, but it’s the way of the game so just deal with it. Yes, I know, soul music has been around forever and there is nothing “neo” about it. But have any of these artists thought about the fact that “neo” is making reference to them as the artists of a new breed of talent performing soul music?…..Say I want Gladys Knight to receive BET’s Walk of Fame award next year!

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Things That Make You Say Hmm?: “The death of a hip-hop artist does not mean it was hip-hop related," said Kansas City's Tech N9ne. "When Kurt Cobain died, it wasn't rock-related; he died. And when Chris Farley died, they didn't say it was because he was a comedian. It's, like, the media is trying to make hip-hop out to be negative, and every time someone dies they try to make it gang-related or rap-related. But hip-hop isn't about drugs, gangs and guns. Yes, there are some rappers that like to hang, bang and slang, but that's not what hip-hop is about. Hip-hop is a beautiful thing. It's about fun and feeling good, not violence,” he concluded in an article in The Kansas City Star written by Jenee' Osterheldt.

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Can’t Say Names: A former R&B; singer turned pop star is apparently losing his boy-next-door charm and going all-the-way Hollywood. Sources close to this singer say the outrageous requests the entertainer demands are becoming unbearable. At one point, this singer requested that his former assistant bathe him and order him a 6am breakfast regardless if he ate it or not. The former assistant was appalled and quit. * Record executives at a major recording label are scratching their heads trying to figure out how to salvage the comeback of a R&B;/pop singer. Said singer attempted to re-launch her career with two singles that fizzled at radio. The pretty twentysomething has been sent back to the studio to rework her album, but so far, the results have only produced more mediocre material.

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Quickies:

~ Sources say that Deborah Cox recently shot a steamy photo shoot for Smooth magazine. Insiders say that the photos are going to make people look at Deborah quite differently. Her third album “The Morning After” is in stores this week and I must admit that it’s hot. There is a track on there that I remember from another artist’s never-released album and Deborah attempted to re-record an almost-identical version of the tune. I wonder what the artist that originally recorded the song thinks about that? Hmmm?

~ Heather Headley performed an intimate concert hear in D.C. recently at Club 2K:9. She performed nearly eight songs from her debut, critically acclaimed CD, “This Is Who I Am.” Highlights were definitely the single “He Is” and the ballad “I Wish I Wasn’t,” but the song that really moved the crowd was her performance of “I Love The Lord” – the Richard Smallwood original that Whitney Houston performed on the “Preacher’s Wife” soundtrack.

~ Traditional gospel artist Evelyn Turrentine-Agee has singed with AIR Gospel. Evelyn, who was formerly signed to World Wide Gospel, is continuing to enjoy the success of her single “God Did It,” from the album of the same name. AIR is already home to Dottie Peoples, Maurette Brown Clark, and the Wilmington Chester Mass Choir. Her first release on the album is expected in March of 2003.

~ My condolences go out to the family and friends of Run-DMC member Jam Master Jay. His death is truly a loss to the hip-hop community and the entertainment industry as a whole.

~ No Juice next week!!! I’ll be back on November 19th with fresh, new Juice!

~ Thanks to Arch Wireless for providing my paging service. For more information on Arch Wireless, visit their website at Arch.com or call 888-534-1397.

~ They have dressed Free from “106th & Park,” Ruff Ryder's deejay Swizz Beats, Jaheim, and even lil’ old me. A special thanks to Aja Imani for keeping me looking good. Aja Imani is located at 9244 East Hampton Drive, Suite #622, Capitol Heights, MD 20743. Contact them at 301-324-8300 or e-mail them at ajaimani@aol.com.

Well I’m Jawn and that’s your Juice! See you next week!

E-mail: GarekNews@hotmail.com

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