DICTIONARY OF THE GODS
An unofficial glossary of the gods, monsters, and other entities of the
SubGenius Mythos.
Welcome to my illustrated, church-approved, hypertext dictionary
of the gods, monsters, and other entities found in the teachings of the
Church of the SubGenius.
You don't have to actually believe in any of these beings if you
don't want to, but, by the same token, they aren't obligated to believe
in you. Enjoy.
All images are property of the SubGenius Foundation, Inc., and/or the
individual artists.
Send all suggestions for inclusion/exclusion and other comments to John
Searcy (searcy@onramp.net).
| A | B | C
| D | E | F | G
| H | I | J | K
| L | M | N | O
| P | Q | R | S
| T | U | V | W
| X | Y | Z
|
Achamoth-Sophia
AKA Wisdom
The spirit universe that, just before being banished from "heaven", copulated
with herself to produce our universe (Aitherium) and its negative
counterpart (AntiLand).
Affathaughth
AKA Azathoth, Nosallack, "It", Nirvana
Allfather of Nothingness. The lack of all everything. Manifested as an
extremely diffuse region of near-Slacklessness at the Universe's
edge. Originally, all of the Elder Gods were
this single entity, but they lowered their vibrational level and divided
into separate wills in order to achieve Somethingness. Affathaughth
is the opposite of Something, which is personified by Ymir.
Agammoto
Lesser Elder God. God of All Bad Guys.
Akishra
Astral worms that "ride" human nervous systems and feed off of their anguish.
Banono
Hoary grey Goddess of dashed hopes, shattered expectations, lost jobs,
unscored drugs, etc. The graveyard of Could Have Beens. Wife of Nheeguani.
Mother of Loki.
The Bleeding Head of Arnold Palmer
AKA The Bleeding Head of the World Cup Golfer, The Bleeding Head, The Head
A plaster
golf-trophy head of the famous world-cup golfer, Arnold Palmer, smeared
with red paint, which is actually the oldest living thing in the Universe
and a being of immeasurable power (Arnold Palmer himself is actually only
a cheap replica of The Head, crafted by the slack-draining Satan.)
Indeed, the Head must be "launched" with a golf club exactly once every
Earth year to prevent its immense power from rupturing the Universe itself!
Currently, the Head is being utilized by the Xists
to combat the sinister Yists or Yacatisma (who,
strangely enough, are working with the world-cup golfer, Lee Trevino) in
an intergalactic war of epic proportions. In fact, every major world-cup
golfer is working with a different race of aliens involved in this cosmic
battle, whose final outcome is yet to be determined. (Note: the illustration
shown is actually only a picture of a latex model of the Bleeding
Head of Arnold Palmer, since the True Head's psychic aura prevents any
photographs to effectively be taken of it.)
"Bob"
Refers specifically to J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, primary agent
of Jehovah-1 on Earth, although it can also refer
to any of JHVH's many Earthly agents throughout history, including the
First "Bob", equivalent to the First Yeti.
Bohandas
Rebel
God. Father of Lies. Mystery God. Possibly son of Eris
and JHVH-1.
Cthulhu
AKA Zthood'aLu, Chronozon, Dagon, Cthuhhv, DreamWarper, The 10-Horned 7-Headed
Beast, Guardian of the Threshold of Dreams
Elder
God. Water Elemental of the West. His specific minions include Fastitocalosaurus
and the Deep Ones.
The Deep Ones of Dagon
AKA Children of Oannes
Minions of Cthulhu who are born looking like normal
humans, but as they age, change into hideous
octopid creatures. One of these creatures, Great
Eistaa of the Dagon is the mother of Connie Dobbs,
wife of "Bob".
Deros
AKA Advanced Supersonic Nazi Hell Creatures from Beneath the Hollow Earth
Semi-mechanoid,
insectoid, serpentine zombies that inhabit huge networks of caverns below
the Earth's surface. Minions of the Elder Gods.
Dobbs, Constance Marsh
AKA Connie
Primary
Wife of J.R. "Bob" Dobbs. Daughter of The
Great Eistaa of the Dagon, one of the Deep Ones
from Innsmouth, Massachusetts. Rumors abound that Connie and her mother
secretly run the Dobbs business empire behind the scenes, but to what extent
this is true remains to be determined.
Dobbs, J.R. "Bob"
AKA "Bob", Jahr Dobbs, the SlackMaster
Living Master
of Slack, High Epot of the Church of the SubGenius, and the Luckiest Man
Alive. A salesman born in the 1920's in the midwestern United States to
Jane McBride Dobbs and the Mayan Xiucha-Chi-Xan M. Dobbs (although rumor
has it that a Polish-Jewish milkman servant of Jehovah-1
was his actual father), "Bob" was the oldest of three sons (his younger
brothers being named "Rod" Dobbs and Judas J. "Jim" Dobbs). "Bob" was chosen
shortly before World War II to be Jehovah-1's primary
agent on Earth. Under JHVH's guidance, "Bob" founded The Church of the
SubGenius in 1953 to round-up the disorganized SubGenii
on the planet into a unified body in preparation for the arrival of the
Xists in 1998. In 1955, "Bob" married his "Primary
Wife", Connie, who later bore him five sons (Bubba,
"Bobby" Jr., Adam Kadmon, Shemp, and Shaun) and a daughter, Barbie Garbs
Dobbs (although "Bob" now as at least one "Secondary Family" in every state
of the union and 2,2952 "Tertiary Families" spread evenly throughout the
world.) Although "Bob" was apparently shot and killed in 1984 (and several
times after that), he has escaped from Hell so many times that he is now
banned from Hell, as well as Heaven, due to his lack of baptism, so that
he is now forever among the livng undead.
Doormamuununu
Lesser Elder
God. Deity of Sex and Dirt.
Dzugarian Snow-People of Tibet
Descendants of the original Yeti.
Eehg Eehn
The name by which NHGH is identified in the Negative
Timestream from which he comes.
Elder Gods
AKA The Northern Fathers, Elohim, Kyclopes, The Space Bankers
Superpowerful
multidimensional entities which, at their furthest incursion into matter,
manifest as huge clouds of gaseous star-matter. They feed off of high-energy
vibrations emitted by living brains during periods of pain, tension, fear,
expectation, ecstasy, and violent death. They were created from the pre-slack
aethers at the same time as this universe. Originally, they were all one
huge entity composed entirely of Nothing, known as "Affathaughth",
but in order to achieve Somethingness, they lowered their vibrational level
and split into separate wills. Most of the Elder Gods are now "sleeping"
in the dimensionless Cold Wastes of Kadath, a condition they forced upon
themselves to avoid being consumed by their own subconcious thoughts, which
possesed physical form. They can still control affairs on Earth,
however, with their psychic projections, "The Watchers".
The Elder Gods are currently allied with the Negative
Elder Gods. Some Elder Gods, known as the Rebel
Gods escaped this sleep of cleansing and are still at large.
The sleeping elder gods' names are: Yog-Sothoth,
Hastur, Shub Niggurath,
Cthulhu, Titlacahuan,
Hypnos, Doormamuununu,
and Agammoto.
Eris
AKA Discordia, Isis, Kali, Whore of Babylon, False (or "Bloody") Virgin
Mary, Nuit, Aphrodite, Sakti, Your Mamma, Mummuu, Ishtar, Inanna, Artemis,
"Ma"
Rebel
Goddess. Goddess of Chaos. Ex-wife of JHVH-1.
Mother, with JHVH, of the twin sisters, Nunu and Narnini,
and possibly Bohandas.
Fastitocalosaurus
AKA Leviathan, Behemoth, Godzilla, Kraken, Typhon, Tiamat, Afrit, Vodyanye,
Fuarth, Zarutan
Sea monster
Watcher which works for Cthulhu.
Flash Beings
Thermal minds in the heat shell of the universe who do nothing but think.
G'broagfran
AKA Wolwo, The Large One
Mysterious
Rebel God. God of AntiMusic. Possible rival of
JHVH-1. Somehow involved in the great sale of souls
to the Xists in 1998. Also somehow involved with the
creation of the universe.
Ghosts
Deceased Pinks who try to frighten people and "cop a buzz" off their fear.
The Great Eistaa of the Dagon
Mrs. Marsh.
Mother of "Bob's" wife, Connie.
One of the Deep Ones of Dagon.
Green Energy Demons
Immaterial,
scatterbrained demon-aliens seen after staring at a light source for an
extended period of time.
Greys
Insect-like
alien species with big, cute eyes that regularly visit Earth and abduct
humans.
Hastur
AKA H'aaztre, It, The Thing With No Face
Elder
God. Air Elemental of the East.
Heliopters
Pink, living
beings shaped like wheeled tennis shoes with ears and furred bellies, but
with motors inside and propellers on top. They are often filled with drugs
and sent by the Elder Gods to tempt humans
into allowing them into their bodies. Possibly in league with G'broagfran.
Humans Beings
AKA Humans, Homo Sapiens Sapiens, Men, Humanity, Mankind, "Pink-boys",
"Pinks", "Glorps", "Normals", "Mediocretins", etc.
Race of
bipeds incapable of original thought created by the Yeti
in order to generate pain and suffering to feed the Elder
Gods. After the fall of the Yeti empire, Mutantis, humans ran amok
and populated the Earth (an event possibly engineered by the Elder Gods
from the beginning to create even more pain and suffering), eventually
creating the unconcious Conspiracy of idiocy which is responsible for the
sorry state of affairs on the planet today. The SubGenii
are the half-breed descendants of the humans and the Yeti. (Occasionally,
the term "human" is used somewhat erroneously to refer to all humanoid
inhabitants of the planet Earth, including the superior SubGenii.)
The HyperNHGH
The sum
of all the many, many faces of NHGH, all of which are
related to each other in various incomprehensible ways. Its faces include
NHGH, Eehg
Eehn, and NarNuGH.
Hypnos
Lesser Elder
God. God of Sleep.
Jesus Christ
AKA Jesus of Nazareth, The Fightin' Jesus, Joshua ben Joseph, Steven Bevilacqua,
Jesus Christ Devilacqua, Steve
Humanoid son
of Jehovah-1. In his first incarnation, he preached
a naive "peace and love" gospel, which quickly got distorted by his followers
into a mammoth multibillion-dollar tool of the Conspiracy commonly known
as Christianity. However, in his second incarnation, he is a pleasant guy
named Steve who is making up for his past wrongs by working diligently
for the SubGenius Church. Reportedly, he is dangerous
when angered.
Jehovah-1
AKA JHVH-1, Yahweh, Odin, Pan, Bog, Ra, Iah, AFFA, Shiva, Wotan, Adonai
Moloch, Abulldad, Ad-llibad, Shamash, Demiurgus, Iadabaoth, Old Nobodaddy,
Crom, "God", etc., etc.
Mad Rebel
God. Father of Jesus Christ. Paradoxically, the
driving force between The Conspiracy and its enemy, The Church of
the SubGenius, founded by JHVH's agent on Earth, J.R.
"Bob" Dobbs. He plans to use his minions, the Xists
to force-evolve his chosen people, the SubGenii,
into super-powerful OverMen who will help stop the
Elder Gods from breaking back into our own dimension
and punishing JHVH for his rebellion.
Loki
Norse trickster spirit. "Con man of the gods." Son of Nheeguani
and Banono.
Mammon
Spirit of the Conspiracy. The SubGenius Devil. The force behind the glorps,
the Mediocretins, the Pinks: what saps them, what drags everything down.
It's not a demon, or any entity, but the force of Their ignorance. It's
an absence, a nothingness. It's their own inner hollowness, their lack
of Slack, what's inside them instead of slack.
Men in Black
A group of
Watchers which secretly help control world government.
Narnini
AKA Anubis
Cosmic sex essence. Twin sister of Nunu. Daughter of
Eris and JHVH-1. Mother, with
NHGH of the Yacatisma.
NarNuGH
Father, with Narnini, of Nee
Nee. One of the many faces of the HyperNHGH.
Nee Nee
Martyred offspring of NarNuGH and Narnini.
Negative Elder Gods
AKA sdoG redlE evitageN
The counterpart of the Elder Gods from the Negative
Timestream. Allied with the Elder Gods. Both are seeking to sap the Slack
force from our universe.
Nheeguani
"Created on the 8th Day." One of the many faces of the HyperNHGH.
Husband of Loki.
NHGH
AKA Nhee Ghee, etc.
Rebel God.
The smiling, cosmic principle of Bad Luck. The embodiment of the unspeakable
Dark Side of "Bob". The son of Nunu
and himself! Visits mortals and drives them insane.
He has many, many different aspects or "faces", all of which are bound
up in the incomprehensible HyperNHGH. He is a
product of the Negative Timestream, where he is called Eehg
Eehn.
Nine Inch Worms
Worm like beings with a length of nine inches which will descend upon the
planet after the arrival of the Xists in 1998. Representative
of the Disembodied Tongues of SubGenius preachers.
Nunu
Ancient fertility goddess and cosmic sex essence. Twin sister of Narnini.
Daughter of Eris and JHVH-1.
Mother of NHGH. Keeps the star Sirius B or "Yurugu"
as a base.
Nyarlathotep
AKA Nyardam-Thotep
Agent for
the Elder Gods. Supervisor of The
Watchers.
OverMen
The superhuman
race that the SubGenii will be changed into by
the Xists in 1998. They have huge craniums, permanent
smiles, the power of flight and invisibility and a myriad of other amazing
abilities. (Female OverMen are called UberWomen.)
Prairie Squid
Slimy tentacled
inhabitants of the prairie and other areas, known for their prominent and
powerful beaks, and often used for sexual gratification by humans,
SubGenii, and other entities.
Rebel Gods
AKA The Titans, The Old Ones
A team of Elder God who refused to smite themselves
into sleeping and are still at large in the universe. The original rebels'
children are also sometimes counted among them. Their names are Jehovah-1,
Bohandas, G'broagfran,
Nunu, Narnini, and NHGH.
Satan
AKA Ahriman, The Devil
Minor deity
who controls the Normal Hell. A figure of Negative Slack. Is somehow an
ememy or rival of the Bleeding Head of Arnold
Palmer and is responsible for the creation of the head's human
replica.
Sex Goddesses
Lifelike
monochromosomal psychic projections of the Xists who
will pilot the Xist's Escape Vessels in 1998 as well as fulfill the fantasies
of the card-carrying SubGenii who are "ruptured"
on board.
Shub Niggurath
AKA S'Ub NHGHwraath
Elder
God. Earth Elemental of the North.
SubGenii
AKA Yetinsyny, SubGeniuses
Half-breed
descendants of the Yeti and the humans,
the chosen people of JHVH-1. Physically identical
to humans, but actually capable of original thought. Created and maintained
over the millenia by occasional renegade Yetis depraved enough to mate
with the lowly humans.
Titlacahuan
Lesser Elder
God. Guardian of the Gates of Time.
UberWomen
Female OverMen.
The Watchers
Psychic
projections or fitful dreams of the Elder Gods,
which they use to control affairs on Earth. They take on physical form
and often appear as UFOs or Men in Black. They
are supervised by Nyarlathotep.
Xists
AKA Men from Planet X, Angelic Host
An alien
species from an unknown planet (Planet X), possibly near Proxima Regulus,
who are minions of mainly JHVH-1, but also theElder
Gods. Their bodies are hibernating on their home planet, but they move
through the universe by relocating their senses. On July 5th,
1998 (X-Day), at 7:00 AM, they will arrive on Earth in the Escape Vessels
of the Sex Goddesses to transform the card-carrying
SubGenii (those with official Church of the SubGenius
minister cards) into superpowerful OverMen. They
will do this both because JHVH-1 wants them to (see the entry for Jehovah-1)
and so they will receive "payment" from us in the form of a special blend
of souls which they will render up to the Elder Gods. The Xists are also
currently involved in a huge intergalactic war with the Yacatisma
and are utilizing the bizarre Bleeding Head of
Arnold Palmer to combat them.
Yacatisma
AKA Yists, Serpent People
Anti-Xists.
Gigantic, super-evolved machines who travel the universe causing death
and destruction, just for fun. Offspring of NHGH
and Narnini. Currently headed towards Earth! According
to the Vatican Codex the Yacatisma, in the guise of Serpent People,
"tempted and fucked" all the female Yetis in "Eden",
thereby ruining the "Test Batch" and possibly creating humans
by mistake, although this story is at variance with more recent accounts
of Yeti history. The Yacatisma are also somehow currently allied with the
human world-cup golfer, Lee Trevino, in a huge intergalactic
war with the Xists, who are allied with the bizarre
Bleeding Head of Arnold Palmer.
Yeti
AKA Gigantanthropus correctus, Sismite, Almas, Dzu-Teh, Dida, Mapinquary,
Mi-Go, Mangani, Abominable Snowmen, Sasquatches, Bigfeet
Huge, luxuriously
furred creatures created by the Xists to serve the Elder
Gods. They created humans in order to generate
pain and suffering for the Elder Gods to feed off of. Their great city
of Mutantis was destroyed millions of years ago when two Yeti were copulating
too near the Great Crystal that powered their city. SubGenii
(or Yetinsyny) are the half-breed descendants of the Yeti and the humans.
Ymir
AKA Pleroma, Something, Everything
The Hoar-Frost Giant that slew himself to create matter. The pieces of
his corpse comprise our entire universe. He personifies Something, the
opposite of Nothing (which is personified by Affathaughth).
Yog-Sothoth
AKA Iaog-Satath, Iaog-Sothot, Kronos, Yig-Sahtot, Jog-Soggoth, Un-Tut-Sut,
N'aton
Elder
God. Fire Elemental of the South. During the Time Intersection of 2178
AD, he will "become" the Oepening between our timestream and the Negative
Timestream. "He will synchronize his geometry with the intersecting angles
of time, much as we must enter a revolving door just right or get knocked
in the head."
Zists
Unthinkably horrible counterparts of the Xists from
the Negative Timestream. Apparently involved in the huge intergalactic
war involving the Xists and the Yacatisma.
BACK
to the Totally Fucking Retarded Page searcy@onramp.net