DICTIONARY OF THE GODS

An unofficial glossary of the gods, monsters, and other entities of the SubGenius Mythos.


Welcome to my illustrated, church-approved, hypertext dictionary of the gods, monsters, and other entities found in the teachings of the Church of the SubGenius. You don't have to actually believe in any of these beings if you don't want to, but, by the same token, they aren't obligated to believe in you. Enjoy.

All images are property of the SubGenius Foundation, Inc., and/or the individual artists.

Send all suggestions for inclusion/exclusion and other comments to John Searcy (searcy@onramp.net).


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Achamoth-Sophia

AKA Wisdom

The spirit universe that, just before being banished from "heaven", copulated with herself to produce our universe (Aitherium) and its negative counterpart (AntiLand).

Affathaughth

AKA Azathoth, Nosallack, "It", Nirvana

Allfather of Nothingness. The lack of all everything. Manifested as an extremely diffuse region of near-Slacklessness at the Universe's edge. Originally, all of the Elder Gods were this single entity, but they lowered their vibrational level and divided into separate wills in order to achieve Somethingness. Affathaughth is the opposite of Something, which is personified by Ymir.

Agammoto

Lesser
Elder God. God of All Bad Guys.

Akishra

Astral worms that "ride" human nervous systems and feed off of their anguish.

Banono

Hoary grey Goddess of dashed hopes, shattered expectations, lost jobs, unscored drugs, etc. The graveyard of Could Have Beens. Wife of Nheeguani. Mother of Loki.

The Bleeding Head of Arnold Palmer

AKA The Bleeding Head of the World Cup Golfer, The Bleeding Head, The Head

A plaster golf-trophy head of the famous world-cup golfer, Arnold Palmer, smeared with red paint, which is actually the oldest living thing in the Universe and a being of immeasurable power (Arnold Palmer himself is actually only a cheap replica of The Head, crafted by the slack-draining Satan.) Indeed, the Head must be "launched" with a golf club exactly once every Earth year to prevent its immense power from rupturing the Universe itself! Currently, the Head is being utilized by the Xists to combat the sinister Yists or Yacatisma (who, strangely enough, are working with the world-cup golfer, Lee Trevino) in an intergalactic war of epic proportions. In fact, every major world-cup golfer is working with a different race of aliens involved in this cosmic battle, whose final outcome is yet to be determined. (Note: the illustration shown is actually only a picture of a latex model of the Bleeding Head of Arnold Palmer, since the True Head's psychic aura prevents any photographs to effectively be taken of it.)

"Bob"

Refers specifically to J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, primary agent of Jehovah-1 on Earth, although it can also refer to any of JHVH's many Earthly agents throughout history, including the First "Bob", equivalent to the First Yeti.

Bohandas

Rebel God. Father of Lies. Mystery God. Possibly son of Eris and JHVH-1.

Cthulhu

AKA Zthood'aLu, Chronozon, Dagon, Cthuhhv, DreamWarper, The 10-Horned 7-Headed Beast, Guardian of the Threshold of Dreams

Elder God. Water Elemental of the West. His specific minions include Fastitocalosaurus and the Deep Ones.

The Deep Ones of Dagon

AKA Children of Oannes

Minions of Cthulhu who are born looking like normal humans, but as they age, change into hideous octopid creatures. One of these creatures, Great Eistaa of the Dagon is the mother of Connie Dobbs, wife of "Bob".

Deros

AKA Advanced Supersonic Nazi Hell Creatures from Beneath the Hollow Earth

Semi-mechanoid, insectoid, serpentine zombies that inhabit huge networks of caverns below the Earth's surface. Minions of the Elder Gods.

Dobbs, Constance Marsh

AKA Connie

Primary Wife of J.R. "Bob" Dobbs. Daughter of The Great Eistaa of the Dagon, one of the Deep Ones from Innsmouth, Massachusetts. Rumors abound that Connie and her mother secretly run the Dobbs business empire behind the scenes, but to what extent this is true remains to be determined.

Dobbs, J.R. "Bob"

AKA "Bob", Jahr Dobbs, the SlackMaster

Living Master of Slack, High Epot of the Church of the SubGenius, and the Luckiest Man Alive. A salesman born in the 1920's in the midwestern United States to Jane McBride Dobbs and the Mayan Xiucha-Chi-Xan M. Dobbs (although rumor has it that a Polish-Jewish milkman servant of Jehovah-1 was his actual father), "Bob" was the oldest of three sons (his younger brothers being named "Rod" Dobbs and Judas J. "Jim" Dobbs). "Bob" was chosen shortly before World War II to be Jehovah-1's primary agent on Earth. Under JHVH's guidance, "Bob" founded The Church of the SubGenius in 1953 to round-up the disorganized SubGenii on the planet into a unified body in preparation for the arrival of the Xists in 1998. In 1955, "Bob" married his "Primary Wife", Connie, who later bore him five sons (Bubba, "Bobby" Jr., Adam Kadmon, Shemp, and Shaun) and a daughter, Barbie Garbs Dobbs (although "Bob" now as at least one "Secondary Family" in every state of the union and 2,2952 "Tertiary Families" spread evenly throughout the world.) Although "Bob" was apparently shot and killed in 1984 (and several times after that), he has escaped from Hell so many times that he is now banned from Hell, as well as Heaven, due to his lack of baptism, so that he is now forever among the livng undead.

Doormamuununu

Lesser Elder God. Deity of Sex and Dirt.

Dzugarian Snow-People of Tibet

Descendants of the original Yeti.

Eehg Eehn

The name by which NHGH is identified in the Negative Timestream from which he comes.

Elder Gods

AKA The Northern Fathers, Elohim, Kyclopes, The Space Bankers

Superpowerful multidimensional entities which, at their furthest incursion into matter, manifest as huge clouds of gaseous star-matter. They feed off of high-energy vibrations emitted by living brains during periods of pain, tension, fear, expectation, ecstasy, and violent death. They were created from the pre-slack aethers at the same time as this universe. Originally, they were all one huge entity composed entirely of Nothing, known as "Affathaughth", but in order to achieve Somethingness, they lowered their vibrational level and split into separate wills. Most of the Elder Gods are now "sleeping" in the dimensionless Cold Wastes of Kadath, a condition they forced upon themselves to avoid being consumed by their own subconcious thoughts, which possesed physical form. They can still control affairs on Earth, however, with their psychic projections, "The Watchers". The Elder Gods are currently allied with the Negative Elder Gods. Some Elder Gods, known as the Rebel Gods escaped this sleep of cleansing and are still at large.

The sleeping elder gods' names are: Yog-Sothoth, Hastur, Shub Niggurath, Cthulhu, Titlacahuan, Hypnos, Doormamuununu, and Agammoto.


Eris

AKA Discordia, Isis, Kali, Whore of Babylon, False (or "Bloody") Virgin Mary, Nuit, Aphrodite, Sakti, Your Mamma, Mummuu, Ishtar, Inanna, Artemis, "Ma"

Rebel Goddess. Goddess of Chaos. Ex-wife of JHVH-1. Mother, with JHVH, of the twin sisters, Nunu and Narnini, and possibly Bohandas.

Fastitocalosaurus

AKA Leviathan, Behemoth, Godzilla, Kraken, Typhon, Tiamat, Afrit, Vodyanye, Fuarth, Zarutan

Sea monster Watcher which works for Cthulhu.

Flash Beings

Thermal minds in the heat shell of the universe who do nothing but think.

G'broagfran

AKA Wolwo, The Large One

Mysterious Rebel God. God of AntiMusic. Possible rival of JHVH-1. Somehow involved in the great sale of souls to the Xists in 1998. Also somehow involved with the creation of the universe.

Ghosts

Deceased Pinks who try to frighten people and "cop a buzz" off their fear.

The Great Eistaa of the Dagon

Mrs. Marsh. Mother of "Bob's" wife, Connie. One of the Deep Ones of Dagon.

Green Energy Demons

Immaterial, scatterbrained demon-aliens seen after staring at a light source for an extended period of time.

Greys

Insect-like alien species with big, cute eyes that regularly visit Earth and abduct humans.

Hastur

AKA H'aaztre, It, The Thing With No Face

Elder God. Air Elemental of the East.

Heliopters

Pink, living beings shaped like wheeled tennis shoes with ears and furred bellies, but with motors inside and propellers on top. They are often filled with drugs and sent by the Elder Gods to tempt humans into allowing them into their bodies. Possibly in league with G'broagfran.

Humans Beings

AKA Humans, Homo Sapiens Sapiens, Men, Humanity, Mankind, "Pink-boys", "Pinks", "Glorps", "Normals", "Mediocretins", etc.

Race of bipeds incapable of original thought created by the Yeti in order to generate pain and suffering to feed the Elder Gods. After the fall of the Yeti empire, Mutantis, humans ran amok and populated the Earth (an event possibly engineered by the Elder Gods from the beginning to create even more pain and suffering), eventually creating the unconcious Conspiracy of idiocy which is responsible for the sorry state of affairs on the planet today. The SubGenii are the half-breed descendants of the humans and the Yeti. (Occasionally, the term "human" is used somewhat erroneously to refer to all humanoid inhabitants of the planet Earth, including the superior SubGenii.)

The HyperNHGH

The sum of all the many, many faces of NHGH, all of which are related to each other in various incomprehensible ways. Its faces include NHGH, Eehg Eehn, and NarNuGH.

Hypnos

Lesser Elder God. God of Sleep.

Jesus Christ

AKA Jesus of Nazareth, The Fightin' Jesus, Joshua ben Joseph, Steven Bevilacqua, Jesus Christ Devilacqua, Steve

Humanoid son of Jehovah-1. In his first incarnation, he preached a naive "peace and love" gospel, which quickly got distorted by his followers into a mammoth multibillion-dollar tool of the Conspiracy commonly known as Christianity. However, in his second incarnation, he is a pleasant guy named Steve who is making up for his past wrongs by working diligently for the SubGenius Church. Reportedly, he is dangerous when angered.

Jehovah-1

AKA JHVH-1, Yahweh, Odin, Pan, Bog, Ra, Iah, AFFA, Shiva, Wotan, Adonai Moloch, Abulldad, Ad-llibad, Shamash, Demiurgus, Iadabaoth, Old Nobodaddy, Crom, "God", etc., etc.

Mad Rebel God. Father of Jesus Christ. Paradoxically, the driving force between The Conspiracy and its enemy, The Church of the SubGenius, founded by JHVH's agent on Earth, J.R. "Bob" Dobbs. He plans to use his minions, the Xists to force-evolve his chosen people, the SubGenii, into super-powerful OverMen who will help stop the Elder Gods from breaking back into our own dimension and punishing JHVH for his rebellion.

Loki

Norse trickster spirit. "Con man of the gods." Son of Nheeguani and Banono.

Mammon

Spirit of the Conspiracy. The SubGenius Devil. The force behind the glorps, the Mediocretins, the Pinks: what saps them, what drags everything down. It's not a demon, or any entity, but the force of Their ignorance. It's an absence, a nothingness. It's their own inner hollowness, their lack of Slack, what's inside them instead of slack.

Men in Black

A group of Watchers which secretly help control world government.

Narnini

AKA Anubis

Cosmic sex essence. Twin sister of Nunu. Daughter of Eris and JHVH-1. Mother, with NHGH of the Yacatisma.

NarNuGH

Father, with Narnini, of Nee Nee. One of the many faces of the HyperNHGH.

Nee Nee

Martyred offspring of NarNuGH and Narnini.

Negative Elder Gods

AKA sdoG redlE evitageN

The counterpart of the Elder Gods from the Negative Timestream. Allied with the Elder Gods. Both are seeking to sap the Slack force from our universe.

Nheeguani

"Created on the 8th Day." One of the many faces of the HyperNHGH. Husband of Loki.

NHGH

AKA Nhee Ghee, etc.

Rebel God. The smiling, cosmic principle of Bad Luck. The embodiment of the unspeakable Dark Side of "Bob". The son of Nunu and himself! Visits mortals and drives them insane. He has many, many different aspects or "faces", all of which are bound up in the incomprehensible HyperNHGH. He is a product of the Negative Timestream, where he is called Eehg Eehn.

Nine Inch Worms

Worm like beings with a length of nine inches which will descend upon the planet after the arrival of the Xists in 1998. Representative of the Disembodied Tongues of SubGenius preachers.

Nunu

Ancient fertility goddess and cosmic sex essence. Twin sister of Narnini. Daughter of Eris and JHVH-1. Mother of NHGH. Keeps the star Sirius B or "Yurugu" as a base.

Nyarlathotep

AKA Nyardam-Thotep

Agent for the Elder Gods. Supervisor of The Watchers.

OverMen

The superhuman race that the SubGenii will be changed into by the Xists in 1998. They have huge craniums, permanent smiles, the power of flight and invisibility and a myriad of other amazing abilities. (Female OverMen are called UberWomen.)

Prairie Squid

Slimy tentacled inhabitants of the prairie and other areas, known for their prominent and powerful beaks, and often used for sexual gratification by humans, SubGenii, and other entities.

Rebel Gods

AKA The Titans, The Old Ones

A team of Elder God who refused to smite themselves into sleeping and are still at large in the universe. The original rebels' children are also sometimes counted among them. Their names are Jehovah-1, Bohandas, G'broagfran, Nunu, Narnini, and NHGH.

Satan

AKA Ahriman, The Devil

Minor deity who controls the Normal Hell. A figure of Negative Slack. Is somehow an ememy or rival of the Bleeding Head of Arnold Palmer and is responsible for the creation of the head's human replica.

Sex Goddesses

Lifelike monochromosomal psychic projections of the Xists who will pilot the Xist's Escape Vessels in 1998 as well as fulfill the fantasies of the card-carrying SubGenii who are "ruptured" on board.

Shub Niggurath

AKA S'Ub NHGHwraath

Elder God. Earth Elemental of the North.

SubGenii

AKA Yetinsyny, SubGeniuses

Half-breed descendants of the Yeti and the humans, the chosen people of JHVH-1. Physically identical to humans, but actually capable of original thought. Created and maintained over the millenia by occasional renegade Yetis depraved enough to mate with the lowly humans.

Titlacahuan

Lesser Elder God. Guardian of the Gates of Time.

UberWomen

Female OverMen.

The Watchers

Psychic projections or fitful dreams of the Elder Gods, which they use to control affairs on Earth. They take on physical form and often appear as UFOs or Men in Black. They are supervised by Nyarlathotep.

Xists

AKA Men from Planet X, Angelic Host

An alien species from an unknown planet (Planet X), possibly near Proxima Regulus, who are minions of mainly JHVH-1, but also theElder Gods. Their bodies are hibernating on their home planet, but they move through the universe by relocating their senses. On July 5th, 1998 (X-Day), at 7:00 AM, they will arrive on Earth in the Escape Vessels of the Sex Goddesses to transform the card-carrying SubGenii (those with official Church of the SubGenius minister cards) into superpowerful OverMen. They will do this both because JHVH-1 wants them to (see the entry for Jehovah-1) and so they will receive "payment" from us in the form of a special blend of souls which they will render up to the Elder Gods. The Xists are also currently involved in a huge intergalactic war with the Yacatisma and are utilizing the bizarre Bleeding Head of Arnold Palmer to combat them.

Yacatisma

AKA Yists, Serpent People

Anti-Xists. Gigantic, super-evolved machines who travel the universe causing death and destruction, just for fun. Offspring of NHGH and Narnini. Currently headed towards Earth! According to the Vatican Codex the Yacatisma, in the guise of Serpent People, "tempted and fucked" all the female Yetis in "Eden", thereby ruining the "Test Batch" and possibly creating humans by mistake, although this story is at variance with more recent accounts of Yeti history. The Yacatisma are also somehow currently allied with the human world-cup golfer, Lee Trevino, in a huge intergalactic war with the Xists, who are allied with the bizarre Bleeding Head of Arnold Palmer.

Yeti

AKA Gigantanthropus correctus, Sismite, Almas, Dzu-Teh, Dida, Mapinquary, Mi-Go, Mangani, Abominable Snowmen, Sasquatches, Bigfeet

Huge, luxuriously furred creatures created by the Xists to serve the Elder Gods. They created humans in order to generate pain and suffering for the Elder Gods to feed off of. Their great city of Mutantis was destroyed millions of years ago when two Yeti were copulating too near the Great Crystal that powered their city. SubGenii (or Yetinsyny) are the half-breed descendants of the Yeti and the humans.

Ymir

AKA Pleroma, Something, Everything

The Hoar-Frost Giant that slew himself to create matter. The pieces of his corpse comprise our entire universe. He personifies Something, the opposite of Nothing (which is personified by Affathaughth).

Yog-Sothoth

AKA Iaog-Satath, Iaog-Sothot, Kronos, Yig-Sahtot, Jog-Soggoth, Un-Tut-Sut, N'aton

Elder God. Fire Elemental of the South. During the Time Intersection of 2178 AD, he will "become" the Oepening between our timestream and the Negative Timestream. "He will synchronize his geometry with the intersecting angles of time, much as we must enter a revolving door just right or get knocked in the head."

Zists

Unthinkably horrible counterparts of the Xists from the Negative Timestream. Apparently involved in the huge intergalactic war involving the Xists and the Yacatisma.

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