A Religious Opinion on Same Sex Marriage
by Rev. Pieter Oberholzer.*
Originally published: 23 August 2004.
The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinion of the Lesbian and Gay Equality Project.
Inclusive and Affirming Ministries (IAM) is an organisation that has been working the past ten years with all the major Churches in the Western Cape, strivingfor a more open and inclusive attitude towards lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgenderedpeople. Ultimately we would consider a Church fully inclusive if they respect, and arewilling to bless the loving covenant relationship of a lesbian or gay couple. We therefore fully support any action that works towards the civil rights of such couples that will render them, in all aspects, equal to heterosexual marriages.
Covenanted Union
We choose the word covenant or covenanted union instead of gay-marriage because the majority of the lesbian and gay community do not want these ceremonies to be “hetero-imitative” and hetero marriages are riddled with stigma of divorce and patriarchy.
The partnership of two human beings before God and the church is covenantal in nature. The word covenant has deep roots in our faith memory and goes back to the relationship between God and Israel, and Christ and the Church. It implies belonging to one another in a context, one of fidelity and trust. The word covenant refers to a solemn pact or agreement between persons who commit themselves to each other. In the case of lesbian and gay couples, they commit to honour, respect, support, and love each other. Such covenants are intended to be exclusive and permanent, the basis of creating a new family model that not only will have the stability necessary to rear children (if the couple wishes to do so) but will also sustain the partners to the end of their lives.
Each partner has rights and responsibilities to the other partner. To name our relationships as covenantal is to declare that we believe them to demonstrate the covenantal love of God in our lives. We grow into what we are, partners with each other and God in creation. We state the nature of our love as a manifestation of the love of Christ for the Church, and of God for the world.
Christianity is not a solitary faith. We are most alive when we are in community. Lesbian women and gay men are asking that they be allowed to celebrate that they are fully alive in all areas of their lives, their primary relationships, and their community of faith. This requires that the primary relationships of their lives be celebrated and blessed in the context of that community. By asking the church to provide the opportunity to name God's blessing in their relationship, they are asking for the right to have that relationship acknowledged, affirmed, and ritualised in the context of the faith community. This celebration acknowledges the continuing presence of God and community in their relationship.
The Nature of Blessing
When a couple comes together before God, the church does not create the relationship. The church merely names the presence of God in their relationship, witnessed and supported by their community of faith. Naming the goodness releases it and allows it to be operative in one's life. A blessing of a relationship therefore does not make that relationship blessed, it acknowledges, through the act of thanksgiving, that which already exists--the blessing of God on creation. . Lesbian and gay Christians do not want the Church to validate their union. The blessing of a relationship is about naming the grace of God in action between the partners named. It acknowledges the grace that is already present, and asks for continued blessing. It names it before community, and offers it back to God that it may be a means of grace and communion with God. We tend to suggest the opposite in our common misconceptions of blessing, as if by our blessing we make holy what was assumed to be profane.
Our observation of covenantal, faithful gay and lesbian relationships has convinced many of us of their sacramental nature. Such a relationship manifests God’s love and grace. Sometimes, being church is difficult; witness the church's struggle over the issue of slavery. If the path was always clear-cut, where would be the need for the continuing discernment of the Spirit in ministry?
Marriage is, by civil and canon law, heterosexual. It requires intimacy, mutual comfort, and consent. It demonstrates and gives witness to the love of God and God's grace. Faithful, covenanted, same-sex unions also demonstrate the love of God in action, and manifest the fruits of the Spirit. If this is the case we need another option, a church and public rite for the blessing of same-sex unions. Gay and lesbian couples are not waiting for such a rite before they live out their covenants with each other and God. These covenants exist, with or without the church’s blessing. The church has asked gay and lesbian persons to live a double standard; either be celibate, (not because they feel called to be celibate), or leave your relationships out of the church and don't ask for a rite.
Rev. Pieter Oberholzer is the director of Inclusive and Affirming Ministries (IAM) is an organisation that has been working the past ten years with all the major Churches in the Western Cape, striving for a more open and inclusive attitude towards lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgenderedpeople.
The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinion of the Lesbian and Gay Equality Project.