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Salam Izhar,
Thank you for your question. With Muslims living in non-Muslim countries and the changes taking place even in Muslim countries, this question has wide implications for all Muslims today.
Your question could involve Muslim to non-Muslim or Muslim to Muslim of the same sex, or Muslim to Muslim or Muslim to non-Muslim of the opposite sex.
If we consider the possibility of a Muslim male meeting and talking to a Muslim female, I believe the answer will become clear. The Qur’an says what means: *{Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them; and Allah is well acquainted with all that you do.
And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what [ordinarily] appears thereof: that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands’ fathers, their sons, their husbands’ sons, their brothers or their brothers’ sons, or their sisters’ sons, or their women, or the slaves whom their right hands possess, or male attendants free of sexual desires, or small children who have no carnal knowledge of women; and they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And, O you believers, turn you all together towards Allah in repentance in order that you might be successful.}* (An-Nur 24:30-31)
The Qur’an is clear as to whom a Muslimah (female Muslim) may take her hijab off in front of. We are also told: “Whenever two people of the opposite sex are present, Satan is the third.” What we learn from this hadith (saying of Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him) is that, even if our intentions are good, Satan is there and we could fall into his trap.
We should, therefore, avoid the situation of being alone with a member of the opposite sex. This also includes relatives to whom we could be married. The first step to being in such circumstances is to meet and to talk. While you may think that this is innocent, there is the possibility of going beyond the limits of Islam, so, it is best to avoid such situations.
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) used to offer the Islamic greeting to women, but he kept his eyes down in doing so. As soon as one realizes the person approaching is of the opposite sex one should lower the gaze in modesty. This applies to both males and females and also whether the person approaching is Muslim or non-Muslim. The first glance is forgiven by Allah; the second is not, as this would be intentional.
Some years ago, in Saudi Arabia, I spoke with a Saudi who had sent some students to study in the US. He visited them and found their desks faced the instructor, a young attractive female. He passed the instructor’s desk and greeted, embraced, and kissed the students. There was a commotion behind him. The instructor was upset that he had ignored her. He asked one of the students to explain the Islamic way. The student began, “He doesn’t know the ways of the West…” Here, the man interrupted the student and pointed out that he did know the Western way, but in Islam he should not look at a woman who was not a close relative. Neither could he shake hands, as that is a degree of intimacy not allowed in Islam.
He apologized if the lady thought him rude; it was not his intention. He was simply practicing his religion. He left for another city in the United States soon after. Before departing the States, he visited the students once more. This time, he found the female instructor sitting outside the room the students were in. She was out of their sight, her hair was covered, and she wore a long dress. He greeted the students and they told him the instructor wanted to talk to him. They said she wanted to talk to him about Islam. Both she and her husband accepted Islam, al-hamduli Allah (all praise is for Allah).
This story, is true and instructive. Not only should we practice our religion, but we should explain it to others. If we don’t, our actions may be misinterpreted. Significantly, the woman felt unable to declare her Islam to the students; rather she declared it to someone whom she knew was practicing Islam. Sometimes, the explanation can be convincing, as in this example.
It is reported that Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “When one of you meets his brother, he should say ‘salam’ (peace) to him. If a tree or a wall or a rock comes between them, and then they meet again, he should (again) say ‘salam’ to him.” (Reported by Abu Dawud.)
The greater benefit is in saying “salam” first. To compensate for this, the responder should add an extra benefit, such as “wa `alaykum as-salam wa rahmatu Allahi. (and on you peace and the mercy of Allah).” When a person greeted the Prophet (peace be upon him) with this, he (peace be upon him) replied, “Wa `alaykum as-salam wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuh.” The person greeted the Prophet (peace be upon him) with this last reply but received back exactly what he had greeted with. He mentioned this to the Prophet (peace be upon him) who told him that that is the greatest benefit one can give or receive in greeting.
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “The young should say ‘salam’ to the old, and the passerby to the one sitting, and the small (group) to the larger one.” (Reported by Al-Bukhari)
Only one of the larger group need reply. The one walking should greet the one riding. Whenever we enter a room or our house, we should say “salam.” We should smile when we greet one another. The saying of “salam” when a Muslim greets another Muslim is “As-salamu `alaykum (peace be upon you).” It is this greeting between Muslims that creates love and affection in their hearts for one another, and it is a means to attain the love and mercy of Allah between us all.
We should remember not to backbite anyone when we ware talking. `Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) said, “If anyone of you knows ninety-nine bad things about a person and only one good thing, make room in your heart for the one good thing.”
Similarly, we should not tell tales, nor convey “news” without first checking its accuracy, and it should only be told to the appropriate authorities—those responsible. Allah says in the Qur’an what means: *{Nor walk on the earth with insolence: for you cannot rend the earth asunder nor reach the mountains in height.}* (Al-Israa’ 17:37)
*{Indeed, Allah orders justice and good conduct and giving to relatives and forbids immorality and bad conduct and oppression. He admonishes you that perhaps you will be reminded.}* (An-Nahl 16:90)
If we see our brother or sister doing something wrong, we should point this out politely and gently in the way we, ourselves, would like to be informed had we done something wrong. Finally, let us remember that every Muslim is the brother or sister of all other Muslims.
Useful Links: Ethics of Giving Sincere Advice Chatting while Eating Rights of Brotherhood in Islam Bowing as a Form of Greeting The Etiquette of Visiting/Hosting People Being an Ideal Guest: How? How Should Muslims Deal with Non-Muslims?
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