CELEBRATING LESBIANS THIS WOMEN'S MONTH

By Nthateng Mhlambiso (BTM Managing Editor)

Homosexuality is often attributed to lack of family love, support and warmth during early childhood but this week Behind the Mask speaks to a lesbian who grew up showered with love by a family who would do anything to ensure that she and her two late brothers had everything they needed to grow up into decent and responsible human beings. Meet Lindiwe Mhlongo.

She risked being expelled from school, sacrificed family love and stood the test of being judged by members of her community, all because of her love for another woman, which goes to show that homosexuality is not a choice.

Lindiwe Mhlongo (25) from Pietermaritzburg in KwaZulu Natal Province is not a kind that always whines about discrimination, marginalisation and stigma, that of course are challenges facing homosexuals in this country, but she is an achiever who worked her way up the corporate ladder with little support from family who disowned her after learning her sexual orientation.

A proud mother of one Lindiwe is a qualified supervisor for a company in the Hospitality Industry and has recently taken up a responsibility of being an activist for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex (LGBTI) people’s rights.

She was raised by “two very special women”, her mother and grandmother.

“We grew up in a warm loving home and these two special women did everything to give us a good home”, says Lindiwe.

Things started to turn sour when Lindiwe’s grandmother found out that she was a lesbian and ordered her to stop dating women immediately.

As the pressure became too much to bear and out of respect for her grandmother Mhlongo gave in and started dating males, which did not last long, but gave birth to her son.

A few years later, nature took its course and Lindiwe started dating women again.

“This time they called a family meeting and I watched my family splitting into two, it was ugly, the most painful treatment ever. I was disowned by my mother and I was kicked out of home.”

Admitting this to have been the most traumatic experience in her life she adds “I lost my family and respect from my relatives.

All by herself, Lindiwe had to pick up the pieces “I had to find a place of my own and leave my mother to deal with her anger and ‘disappointment’ but I made it.”

To date Lindiwe is still patching her relationship with her mother but they still do not talk about her sexual orientation.

On a bright side Lindiwe has always been lucky in the career front, she has never had problems getting a job because of her sexual orientation as it is the case with butch lesbians in particular.
“I am femme and this counts in my favour, it takes my disclosure for people to find out.

She however adds that she sometimes gets mocked by colleagues for being a lesbian.

“Men would try to hit on me just to prove a point. I was once called unbiblical by a colleague.”

Despite all these challenges Lindiwe is proud to be a woman in South Africa today, a country which she says gives room to diversity which includes sexual diversity.

Asked what Women’s Month means to her she boasts “well firstly it’s my birthday so, the 9th of August is a major celebration for me, for women, they are pillars of strength.”

An active member of the Christian fellowship Church, Lindiwe is engaged to one of the Pastors in the Church, a woman she says is the first thing she thinks about in the morning and the last when she goes to bed.

“We have been together for a year but it feels like I’ve known her forever, we have been through so much and yet we still keep the fire burning.”

Lindiwe spends most of her leisure time working with the Gay and Lesbian Network in Pietermaritzburg with a view to further the struggle for the rights and wellbeing of gay and lesbian people.

“I also ensure that I fight for recognition, tolerance and acceptance of LGBTIs in our industry”, she emphasises.

Lindiwe’s tips to a lasting lesbian relationship

• Be honest
• Love Truly
• Be Faithful (not every woman is yours out there)
• Compromise where necessary
• Take time to know your partner
• Give guidance and support in difficult times
• Remember your friends are your friends don’t let them dictate your love life

Lindiwe’s tips to success

• Be Determined
• Don’t ever let anyone tell you, you can’t do something
• Have a goal and follow it
• Don’t be afraid to fail trying but don’t ever fail to try
• Reach for the moon, that way if you fall you are still amongst the stars
• The world is your stage, live as though you are auditioning for a movie