what goes around, comes around

by Mpumi "Sky" Mathabela

I closed the door to my bedroom, got into bed and closed my eyes. A burning sensation troubled my eyes; I knew the inevitable, so I let myself go. I've never cried that much my whole life! For the first time ever in my life my heart was broken - the woman I had loved for so long was no longer a part of my life. All the good times that we had, that brought a sparkle to my face and a twinkle to my eye, now brought sadness and tears. My life was no longer worth living, my heart torn into a zillion pieces.

I remember when we were inseparable, when we literally had to be dragged away from each other - we got sick simultaneously, had our periods on the same days, felt each other's pain, I can go on and on. I always thought we'd grow old together but little did I know fate had a different plan for us. Before she came into my life, I had left a trail of broken hearts, couldn't have cared less on whose heart I was trampling on, all I cared about was me, myself and I.

The first time I felt the earth move was when our paths crossed; time stopped when she smiled and when she became mine I was on cloud 10 (not 9) on my way to heaven. When we made love for the first time it was like the pieces of a puzzle falling into place, our bodies synchronized. We made music only we could hear and understand. How could something so perfect become so imperfect, something so beautiful bring so much pain? If I don't love anymore, I'll know why and if I don't feel the earth move, I'll know why. Should I not ride on cloud 10 ever again I'll understand, because right now it feels like i've lost the only true meaning to my life. A good friend of mine has always told me "never say never and never say always or forever", I think now I understand where she's coming from.

The wheel turns and every dog has its day; now, it was my day. I wasn't ready for it and it got me right between the eyes. All those things I had done, those broken hearts I left behind, were back to haunt me. When those words I had sung so many times were directed to me, I couldn't believe it. "It's not working out, I need my space so I think we should call it off." What cold words! Who could be so cold? "Me!" I drove that dagger through my heart and the pain was too much for me to bear.

So next time you do something to someone, think carefully: is it what you want to be done to you tenfold? And if the answer is no, then don't do it, think about all that pain you are going to cause that person when she finds out you didn't love her, you were just playing with her heart. Never say you love someone unless you truly mean it and never get into a relationship without really committing to it.

Bring smiles onto people's faces, happiness into their lives and make them remember you in a good way without regretting ever loving you. Don't bring tears and, if there are tears, let them be tears of joy and not of pain.

I hear these words; my own words everyday in my head but truth be told - life happens the way it is meant to happen.