Natasha Henstridge, left, Matthew Perry and Bruce Willis are back in "The Whole Ten Yards."
April 05, 2004
The Whole Ten Yards
By Kirk Honeycutt
Bottom line: Shop-worn, movie-derivative and a sequel to boot, this anemic farce works overtime to win meager laughs.
Opens April 9
In "The Whole Ten Yards," a sequel to 2000's broad, crowd-pleasing farce "The Whole Nine Yards," a new director fails to maintain a firm hand on the tiller, so things spin swiftly out of control with uneven acting and misfired physical gags. A solid returning cast -- Bruce Willis, Matthew Perry, Amanda Peet and Natasha Henstridge -- and good will developed in the previous hit-man comedy should guarantee a solid opening. But laughs are in much too short supply here to sustain any major boxoffice run. Ancillary markets look more promising.
Give the new writer and director team of George Gallo and Howard Deutch credit, though, for making a genuine sequel and not, as most sequels turn out, a glorified remake. The characters have all moved on to new abodes and spouses, and everyone seems determined to make his or her new life work, while still longing for aspects of the old.
Retired hit man Jimmy Tudeski (Willis) has settled into his Mexican hideaway with a newfound interest in cooking, cleaning and decorating. Meanwhile, his bride, Jill (Peet), wants to take over his old career -- that of a hired assassin -- only she is no damn good, invariably killing her target by accident rather than the old-fashioned way of actually shooting a victim.
Jimmy's one-time neighbor Oz Oseransky (Perry) has moved his dental practice from Montreal to Los Angeles and taken Jimmy's ex, Cynthia (Henstridge), as his wife. Then newly paroled Hungarian mob boss Lazlo Gogolak comes gunning for Jimmy, whom he blames for the death of his favorite son, Yanni. Kevin Pollak played Yanni in the original film. In the new film, the father is played by ... Kevin Pollak in Mr. Magoo glasses and prosthetic jowls but with the same nutty accent that mixes up Js with Ys and Vs with Ws.
Gallo's overly mechanical plot has the Gogolak gang kidnap Cynthia -- rather easily, you can't help noticing -- so a panicky Oz will scamper to his hit-man pal in Mexico, thus leading the gang to their quarry. Only Jimmy -- again you can't help noticing -- is well prepared for the assassination attempt and easily escapes with Oz, whom Jimmy intends to kill at his first opportunity, and Jill, with whom he is going through a rough marital patch because of the lack of an offspring and a bit of erectile dysfunction.
Everyone high-tails it back to L.A. for more double crosses, another kidnapping and even more pratfalls. The tiredness of Gallo's script, recycled as it is from old movies, is equaled by the crudeness and, increasingly, desperation of the physical humor. It is a rare scene in which Perry does not fall down or run into something inanimate. Willis, now in touch with his softer side, is prone to fits of sobbing at inopportune moments. Pollak has a running gag where he continually hits and berates one of his sons (Frank Collison), which grows increasingly unfunny with each slap. The gang itself handles firearms so poorly that there is never any chance a protagonist will actually get hit by a bullet.
One of the film's more awkward scenes has Willis and Perry getting drunk, with Willis' character becoming increasingly maudlin and teary-eyed with each shot. The scene is not only not funny but undermines a character who, for the story and gags to work, must be several steps ahead of his enemies. Then, too, the film's final twist -- which you can't help noticing a mile away -- renders the scene nonsensical.
Deutch and Gallo have retooled the original characters in ways that often ill-fit their actors. Rather than laughs stemming from Willis' stoic, imperturbable demeanor, they now must come from over-the-top emoting. Perry's character in turn has gone from physical bumbler to out-of-control maniac. Peet, so attracted by sheer toughness, and Henstridge, the cucumber-cool operative, have actually become the more interesting characters, yet the script explores the women's lives in only a cursory manner.
Tech credits are standard.
THE WHOLE TEN YARDS Warner Bros. Franchise Pictures presents a Cheyenne Enterprises production in association with Zweite Academy Film
Credits: Director: Howard Deutch Screenwriter: George Gallo Based on characters created by: Mitchell Kapner Producers: Elie Samaha, Arnold Rifkin, David Willis, Allan Kaufman Executive producers: Andrew Stevens, Tracee Stanley, David Bergstein, Oliver Hengst Director of photography: Neil Roach Production designer: Virginia Randolph-Weaver Music: John Debney Costume designer: Rudy Dillon Editor: Seth Flaum. Cast: Jimmy Tudeski: Bruce Willis Oz Oseransky: Matthew Perry Jill: Amanda Peet Cynthia: Natasha Henstridge Lazlo: Kevin Pollak Strabo: Frank Collison Zevo: Johnny Messner Running time -- 99 minutes MPAA rating PG-13
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