Lighten up, Mr. Speaker: It's only a state budget
After we're done creating a functioning democratic government in Iraq, perhaps we could turn our attention to Illinois, and create a functioning democratic government here. Because right now our legislators tug-of-warring the state budget look just like a claque of mullahs bickering over whether the Sunnis or the Shiites should get first mention in the national anthem. Could any rifle-toting warlord match the arrogance -- or the entrenched power -- of Speaker of the House Michael Madigan?
Monday, May 31, 2004
Obama will have last laugh over Ryan's gaffe
Ineptness isn't pretty. But it is fascinating to watch. The outfielder spectacularly muffing an easy catch gets replayed again and again. "Look -- hee-hee -- here's where he kicks the ball!" This is a grim Monday for a pair of politicians who made particularly spectacular boots last week. First Republican senatorial nominee Jack Ryan, whose dispatch of a flunky with a video camera to harass opponent Barack Obama blew up in his face nationwide. And then there is Gov. Rod Blagojevich, whose flacks planted a ridiculous ghostwritten column in the Sporting News claiming he "wouldn't wear a White Sox cap even if they made the World Series.'' Talk about a staff gaffe.
I urge my wife not to lock the car doors. The market in stolen 1992 Camrys with 106,000 miles on them is not great. There is nothing in the car to steal beyond clumps of McDonald's debris. Why bother?
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
President sounds OK, looks even better
You probably missed President Bush's speech Monday. Maybe you tuned into the finale of "The Swan'' instead. Maybe, like my wife, you tried to watch, but were so filled with sputtering hatred for Bush that you had to leave the room. Myself, I thought he looked pretty good, at least cosmetically. That was quite a spill he took on his bike, and I worried he'd be scraped up, giving lazy pundits around the world an obvious "fall on his face'' metaphor to go crazy with. The marvels of makeup.
Monday, May 24, 2004
Getting Nader out of the way should be Kerry's first goal
If John Kerry can't find a way to get Ralph Nader to drop out of the race, then how can he be president? I'm not saying that he can't be elected -- perhaps the 1 or 2 percent of Americans who will vote for Nader, disappointed that the Tooth Fairy isn't on the ballot, won't swing the election to the Republicans this time. What I mean is, how can we expect Kerry to combat world terror, knock Sharon's and Arafat's heads together, outfox a united Europe, put out fires in South America, slap sense into African dictators, thwart a bellicose China, shore up a faltering economy and perform the thousand other tough tasks of being president, if he can't persuade one slightly daft, 70-year-old consumer advocate to do what is best for the country, best for everything he believes in and, ultimately, best for whatever shred of reputation Ralph Nader retains?
Friday, May 21, 2004
Attention to detail can be life-threatening
One night in 1972, high above the Florida Everglades, three pilots in the cockpit of an Eastern Airlines L-1011 became engrossed in solving an important problem: figuring out whether the plane's landing gear was up or down. The wheels had been lowered, but the little light confirming they were locked in place wasn't lit. As the trio of pilots puzzled, they failed to notice an even more pressing problem: The plane was flying into the ground. A hundred people were killed. The little light bulb in the landing gear indicator was later found to have burned out.
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
State's 300-year win streak against church continues
A headline on the front page of USA Today Tuesday referred to the "gay-marriage debate.'' What gay-marriage debate? Is anyone debating anything? Presenting facts and arguments? I don't think so. On one side we have religious intolerance, which has curled up for so long in the lap of government that it feels like it belongs there. On the other, there are we who believe individuals should not be denied civil rights by government because of who they are.
Monday, May 17, 2004
Heinz: 'We don't want to get into political food fight'
Is it true that every time you buy a bottle of Heinz ketchup, a nickel goes to Teresa Heinz Kerry, who then passes it on to her husband John Kerry, so he can continue his tireless campaign to undermine our president, our war effort and our beloved nation?
Do the math: mob town + mob business = ?
How can the City of Chicago own a casino? Isn't there a rule against those with mob ties owning casinos? Actually, it's stricter than that: Even those with perceived connections to organized crime are barred from casino ownership.
Media fail to tell us whole truth about Mideast
I've read countless in-depth analyses of the complex situation in Israel, parsing the various political issues, parties and leaders, revisiting the historical details of wars and conflicts. Yet I don't remember anyone raising the subject of why Israelis are so damn good-looking. Another dire result of terrorism, I suppose. When you have people periodically blowing themselves up in crowded public places, you can't very well expect the press to start turning out stories with headlines like: "Israel: Land of Hot Babes.''
