June 6, 2004

BY ZAY N. SMITH SUN-TIMES COLUMNIST

From an ad for Mel Gibson's new illustrated book, The Passion, a companion to his latest movie:

"This book may be the most powerful retelling of the passion of Jesus of Nazareth ever produced in print form."

Then again, the New Testament did serve us well as a stopgap.

Just warming up

News Item: Researchers say that a giant belch of 1,500 billion tons of methane gas from the floor of the North Atlantic 55 million years ago may have triggered 200,000 years of global warming and climatic upheavals.

You get up in the morning, you have breakfast, you check the bank balance, you plan your day, and the Atlantic Ocean belches.

Language lessons

E.K., a Toledo, Ore., reader, writes:

"I was shocked when QT used the French word 'foulard.' I walked around all day, disoriented and confused, wondering why, why, is QT not speaking English?"

Votre grenouille a mange mon dejeuner, n'est-ce pas?

Cloudy reasoning

The Case for Zero Tolerance of Modern School Administrators (cont'd):

Schools in Derby, England, have issued new guidelines calling for the cancellation of field trips not only in rainy weather but in sunny weather because the sun can cause skin cancer.

Three's a crowd

QT Adult Minimum Daily Requirement of People News:

Janet Jackson says she has two people inside her named Strawberry and Damita Jo.

Fools rush in

Rush Limbaugh on his potential prosecution for illegal drug use:

"The issue before the court is whether my doctors' offices were raided and my medical records seized improperly . . ."

He doesn't really mean any of this, see. It is his very subtle satire on lawyers who are always whining about the rights of defendants and courts that free too many people on technicalities.

He will let us in on it any day now.

Everybody's a victim

We Have Seen the Present, and It Does Not Work:

*The wife of an Australian teacher who was awarded $28,000 compensation from his school for "psychological injury" he suffered when he was fired for having an affair with a teenage student has sued the school because of "psychological injury" she suffered when her husband suffered "psychological injury" from being fired for having an affair with a teenage student.

*O.J. Simpson plans to produce and star in a TV reality program where he will "pull practical jokes on unsuspecting victims."

Just ducky

From the QT Archive of Knowledge:

*Ducks quack with accents.

*Franz Schubert's nickname was Tubby.

That's his story

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language (cont'd):

*President Bush on Oct. 8, 2003:

"This is historic times."

*President Bush on April 20, 2004:

"This is historic times."

*President Bush on June 1, 2004:

"This is an historic times."

Patience. He is making adjustments.

QT is at qt@suntimes.com.