June 8 - Iraqi sovereignty went missing late yesterday afternoon, plunging into some doubt whether sovereignty could be handed over to the Iraqi people by the U.S. deadline of June 30.
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News of the sovereignty's sudden disappearance was announced at Coalition Provisional Authority headquarters in Baghdad by interim leader Paul Bremer III, who expressed puzzlement at the sovereignty's whereabouts. "To be candid, I have no idea where that sovereignty could have gone to," Mr. Bremer told reporters. "It was here a minute ago."
Iraqi President Ghazi Meshal Al-Yawar, who had been selected just hours before sovereignty mysteriously disappeared, expressed outrage and anger that U.S. officials had somehow permitted the nation's sovereignty to become mislaid, stolen, or worse. "I agreed to let sovereignty be transferred to me, and then they went and lost it?" Al-Yawar fumed. "I'm sorry, but that really sucks."
U.S. forces ransacked the offices of Iraqi National Congress leader Ahmed Chalabi for the twenty-seventh time yesterday after rumors swirled that Chalabi might have somehow slipped the sovereignty into his pants pocket and then sold it to Iran in exchange for a bag of shiny jewels.
But even after the search came up empty, President Bush insisted that sovereignty would be transferred on June 30 "whether there is any sovereignty or not."
Bush then proposed turning off all the lights in Iraq to enable the person or persons who took the sovereignty to return it anonymously.
The President's proposal drew praise from Bremer, who said that the plan was "extremely practical" because most of the lights in Iraq were already out.
Andy Borowitz is the author of The Borowitz Report, winner of two 2003 Dot-Comedy Awards for Best Overall Humor and Best Satirical News
