June 20, 2004

BY ZAY N. SMITH SUN-TIMES COLUMNIST

*David Allen, a Fairbanks, Alaska, reader, regarding a reader who took a dim view of Michael Moore's view of the American gun culture in "Bowling for Columbine," writes:

"I work with juvenile criminals and was interested to see a recent cross-national study of violence involving juveniles. It showed that the rate of violent incidents was roughly the same in the respective national populations, but the fatality rate was substantially higher in the U.S. The only variable that explains that result is, of course, our easy access to guns."

*D.S., a Skokie reader, writes:

"How come those of you who are most vocal in defending our rights under the First Amendment are so silent about the Second?"

Not so. QT, for one, believes in an absolute right to keep and bear arms in this country, for each and every member of a well-regulated militia, without exception.

Like a diversion

Madonna on why she felt the need to change her name to Esther:

"My--"

Oh, be quiet.

Foreign concept

Matt Covey, a Lincoln, Neb., reader, regarding QT's mentioning a study by a German zoologist showing that bees are not as busy as we think they are, writes:

"Maybe they were French bees working a 30-hour week."

Nein. Es besteht Lawinengefahr. Mochten Sie eine Schmerzspritze?

Slow progress

We Have Seen the Present, and It Does Not Work:

Women attending a conference on women's rights and issues in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, were allowed to speak to the conference only from a closed-off room in deference to bans on women showing their faces in public.

Who's your Danny?

QT Early Warning System:

Auditions are being announced for a new "Partridge Family."

Fresh news leftovers

*Serge Mikhno, a Wilmette reader, regarding QT's mentioning two more modern corporate gibberish names, Draka and Alcatel, wants you to know that "draka" means "fistfight" in Russian.

*Steve Martinovich, a Naperville reader, regarding QT's mentioning that Tupperware had laid off 45 workers to move their jobs to the Philippines, wants you to know that the story would have been less damaging if Tupperware had put a lid on it.

Something to talk about

QT Adult Minimum Daily Requirement of People News:

Larry King announced he wears size 32 briefs.

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk

Yesterday's Birthdays: Moe Howard, 107; Federal Communications Commission, 70.

Slow progress, Part II

The Friends of the Chicago River, having completed its final audit of the 39 tons of various things recovered from the Chicago River on this year's River Day on May 8, want you to know that the things included a car engine, 20 brassieres, car wheels, blankets, mattresses, cemetery wreath stands, fencing, fire extinguishers, jars of garlic mustard, 25 feet of concrete rebar, lawn furniture, parking-meter posts, a seat bench from a van, sewer pipes, shopping carts, sleeping bags, an iron door, suitcases, bicycles, underwear, traffic horses, tires, TVs, picnic tables, a CO2 tank, hypodermic needles, lottery tickets, fence posts, box springs, phone-line transformers and a credenza with a turntable inside.

"Not as much trash this year," a volunteer said.

QT is at qt@suntimes.com.