June 10, 2004

BY RICHARD ROEPER SUN-TIMES COLUMNIST

At any given moment in the television universe, somebody is playing a practical joke on someone else, with the hidden cameras rolling. Click. On "The Jamie Kennedy Experiment," Jamie, posing as a sleazy operator of an exotic dance club, is telling a woman that her college-age daughter is his best pole dancer. The girl, her father and the girl's best friend are in on the ruse.

Click. On "Candid Camera," an actress posing as a check-out clerk tells guests that for $4.95 they can have the security camera videotape from their room. The "clerk" tells appalled guests that cameras were running at all times, even recording them in the shower.

Click. On "Faking the Video," a young man who thinks he's working as a production assistant on an Omarion video is in a trailer with an actress playing the hip-hop artist's girlfriend. When the "girlfriend" flirts and asks if he's taken, he says "No," when in fact he does have a girlfriend.

Joke's on you, buddy. I'm sure your girlfriend found it hilarious that you denied her existence on MTV. But you signed the release, and it was all in fun, and you want to be a good sport, right?

Smile, sucker, you're on TV

Recently the Fox network canceled plans for a two-hour reality special titled "Seriously, Dude, I'm Gay." The show featured heterosexual contestants trying to convince family and friends the contestants were gay -- an experience the contestants reportedly described as "their worst nightmare." After groups such as The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation protested, Fox dropped the show and apologized.

Of course, there are still tons of practical-joke shows on air or in development, all promising "a shocking twist," which is TV-speak for "we humiliate fame-obsessed dupes for your enjoyment."

On "My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance," a woman tricked her entire family into thinking she was marrying a belching lout. Then she learned that he was an actor -- and she was offended and hurt. How could anyone play such a mean trick? Ahem.

On the "American Idol" parody "Superstar," contestants with talent are sent home, and the worst singers are told they have a shot at stardom. Wait until they learn that all the praise and applause was manufactured, and they're actually terrible and everyone was snickering at them! (I have suspicions about this show. It wouldn't surprise me to learn the contestants are in on the joke, and the audience is the real dupe.)

On the "Big Brother" knockoff "Joe Schmo," everyone except one contestant was an actor. On "Joe Millionaire," the money-grubbing ladies learned the guy was broke. On "The Bachelor," one of the Stepford-wife wannabes was a snitch. On "Average Joe," the hot chick was set up with dorks.

Everyone's into the joke these days. Chicago Cubs pitcher Mark Prior makes a minor league rehab start with the Lansing Lugnuts, and the minor league catcher is duped into thinking he's out of the lineup that night. Britney Spears has her brother handcuffed and "arrested," and then surprises him with an erotic dance, and that's so wrong on so many levels, even Angelina Jolie might think it's weird.

And how about those wacky American soldiers who conned an Iraqi prisoner into believing that if he fell off a box, he'd be electrocuted? That's some funny stuff.

The future of reality TV

Let's take it to the next level! A few ideas for reality shows that will have some really funny twists:

*"Surprise Package." On the finale of this dating show, the bachelor will learn all the women vying for him are transvestites.

*"Dead for the Weekend." Actors posing as police, journalists, doctors and funeral home directors work with family and friends in an elaborate conspiracy to convince someone a loved one has died. Forty-eight hours later, the ruse is revealed. Sure it's unspeakably cruel, but it also gives both victims -- the victim of the joke and the supposed victim of the tragedy -- a chance to see how the "mark" would react to such a loss. And think of the tears of joy when the survivor learns he hasn't really lost a loved one!

*"Your Cheatin' Heart." With the wife's cooperation, a man is led to believe he's had an affair while on a business trip. After he's been slipped a "roofie," he wakes up in his hotel room with lipstick on his pillow and an empty champagne bottle next to his bed. A fantastic-looking woman is slipping on her dress. She gives the guy a big kiss, says he was "amazing" and suggests he call her again.

Will he confess, keep it to himself or make another date? What he doesn't know is that his family has voted on what they think he'll do, and they've got $100,000 riding on the "right" answer.

*"The Emperor's New Clothes." Individuals get awful makeovers, but everyone says they look great!

*"Secret Same-Sex Crushes." In front of a hooting studio audience, a man learns the person who has a "secret crush" on him is actually a man.

Oh wait. That last one's already been done. It was the "The Jenny Jones Show" 1995, and three days later the humiliated contestant gunned down his secret admirer.

E-mail: rroeper@suntimes.com