June 1, 2004

BY ZAY N. SMITH SUN-TIMES COLUMNIST

News Item: Canadians will use paper ballots, which can be recounted, instead of computer touch-screen ballots, which often can't be recounted, in their June 28 elections.

Put it this way: Canadians are smarter than we are.

A questionable assessment

News Headline: "Study: Most of us are poor judges of our abilities."

The findings come from researchers at the University of Michigan, who wouldn't publish them, rest assured, if they weren't pretty sure they knew what they were doing.

Who knew?

President Bush introducing the wife of Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist:

"Karyn is with us. A West Texas girl, just like me."

Any good political operative will tell you: If there is troubling news, get it out quickly and move on.

A dead-end career

News Item: "Iran has reportedly established what could be the first training center for Islamic suicide attackers, the Middle East Newsline reported Sunday."

One step at a time. First train the students how to commit suicide. Those who do not survive should graduate with honors.

From surf to spy turf

QT Early Warning System:

David Hasselhoff has expressed interest in playing the next James Bond villain.

Those slicksters

Rep. Nick Rahall (D-W.Va.) on President Bush and Vice President Cheney:

"While I did not hold high hopes for the Bush administration in general, I certainly thought that with two former oil executives running the country, the one thing they could get right would be the supply of affordable gasoline."

Or did they get it right, after all?

Some hobbies are cheap

From the QT Archive of Knowledge:

*George Washington liked to explore caves.

*John Kerry's bicycle cost $8,000.

Slacker in the news

Newspaper Correction of the Month (Boston Globe): "Because of a reporting error, Dr. Arleigh Dygert Richardson III, former teacher at Lawrence Academy at Groton, was described in his obituary yesterday as favoring tacky pants with tweed jackets and Oxford shirts. Dr. Richardson favored khaki pants."

Reform not from top down

We Have Seen the Present, and It Does Not Work:

T-shirts carrying the words "Make It in Scotland," distributed as part of a campaign by the Scottish Enterprise economic development agency, were made in Morocco.

Just say no

QT Spam-of-the-Month Club:

". . . acrimony disenchant nosed earphone thesauri schemata faith chivalrous paginate tailcoat prepare. . . ."

Go ahead. Tell QT you don't want to hear what happens next.

As you were

News Item: "A major earthquake that hit Alaska in 2002 set off a flurry of smaller quakes in far-off Yellowstone National Park and changed eruption intervals in several geysers, according to a new study."

Scientists said, however, that there were no serious implications for the Yellowstone Caldera, which erupts every 640,000 or so years and last erupted 642,000 years ago, and the eruptions of which can be violent enough to send a layer of ash 6 feet deep as far away as Chicago.

So there is nothing to worry about.

Really.

QT is at qt@suntimes.com.