May 30, 2004

BY MICHAEL SNEED SUN-TIMES COLUMNIST

I've got a question for state Rep. Charles Morrow (D-Chicago), the lame duck legislator who helped defeat the horse slaughter ban legislation in the House . . . by not voting.

I'm told you were part of the cabal who shocked everyone at the last minute by either voting "no," or "present," which is the same thing. . . thus ensuring the slaughter of horses for European tables.

I'm told you nixed the horse bill because health care workers weren't getting raises and children need aid.

So I asked him: "What kind of person has an agenda to trade one form of suffering for another?"

"If you had a brain, you'd be an idiot," Morrow told Sneed.

I may be an idiot. But you, sir, are a goof.

Let me track your rationale. If children are suffering, horses should suffer, too. Right?

No one in their right mind wants children raised in squalor. But the fact that children suffer gives us the right to abuse animals by stuffing them in a truck, subjected to an inhumane death slipping on their own blood, so Europeans can have gourmet food?

Your action now ensures the opening of our nation's third horse slaughterhouse: Cavel International in DeKalb.

So here are the names of all the goofs who ensured the defeat of the bill (60-51) . . . after the Senate resoundingly passed it.

The goof list . . .

Frank Aguilar; Patricia Bailey; Mark Beaubien Jr.; Bob Biggins; William Black; Mike Boland; Mike Bost; John Bradley; Dan Brady; Rich Brauer; Daniel Burke; Linda Chapa LaVia; Annazette Collins; Tom Cross; Shane Cultra; Lisa Dugan; Kenneth Dunkin; Joe Dunn; Roger Eddy; Robert Flider; Mary Flowers; Calvin Giles; Careen Gordon; William Grunloh; Gary Hannig; Brent Hassert; Randall Hultgren; Charles Jefferson; Lovana Jones; Kevin Joyce; Rosemary Kurtz; David Leitch; Patricia Reed Lindner; Eileen Lyons; John Millner; Bill Mitchell; Jerry Mitchell; Donald Moffitt; Ruth Munson; Richard Myers; JoAnn Osmond; Brandon Phelps; Raymond Poe; Robert Pritchard; Chapin Rose; Jim Sacia; Angelo Saviano; Timothy Schmitz; Ricca Slone; Michael Smith; Keith Sommer; Art Tenhouse; Arthur Turner; Patrick Verschoore; Ronald Wait; Eddie Washington; Jim Watson; Dave Winters; Wyvetter Younge, and House Speaker Mike Madigan (who reportedly claims he made a mistake and will change his vote for the record). Yeah, sure.

*The "present" votes . . . which are, in effect, the same as "no"!: Representatives Jack Franks; Deborah Graham; Constance Howard; Morrow, and Dan Reitz.

Thanks, one and all.

Scoopsville . . .

Sneed hears there has been a major reshuffling of names on Dem presidential candidate John Kerry's veepmate shortlist. Guess who is moving up? Gen. Wesley Clark and U.S. Sen. Joe Biden (D-Del.), the ranking Dem of the Senate's Foreign Relations Committee.

*The reason: Escalating problems in the Iraq war and their military knowledge.

Pencils poised . . .

In other words, former President Bill Clinton's first appearance on behalf of his book, My Life, will be at Chicago's BookExpo America on June 3.

Box 'em . . .

Actor Sylvester Stallone, whose blockbuster movie career has been in a slump, is no stupid head.

Rocky is back!

Get out the boxing gloves: Stallone is producing an upcoming reality TV show called "The Contender," along with producer Mark Burnett of "Apprentice" fame. The scenario: A cadre of 16 boxers living and training together, and the winner gets a million dollars. Auditions for the show: 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. June 8 and June 9 at the Italian American Sports Hall of Fame, 1431 W. Taylor.

Sneedlings . . .

Today's birthdays: Mary O'Connor Curran, 89 and priceless; Wynonna Judd, 40, Audioslave's Tom Morello, 40, and my boss, Michael Cooke, ageless and priceless. ... Monday's birthdays: Brooke Shields, 39; Colin Farrell, 28; Clint Eastwood, 74; Lea Thompson, 43; Sharon Gless, 61; Chris Elliott, 44; NBC-5's Joe Kolina, ageless; Gregory Harrison, 54; Tom Berenger, 54; Joe Namath, 61; Prince Rainier, 81, and belated birthday greetings to Sister Clarita Langenfeld, 106!