July 14, 2004

BY NEIL STEINBERG SUN-TIMES COLUMNIST

Opening shot

Pinned to my wall, still, is the very first communication I received on the morning of Sept. 11, 2001 -- a fax from one Glenn N. Schram. It reads, in its entirety:

"The hijacking within the last 24 hours of four American airliners and the subsequent assaults on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon were ordered by Bill Clinton. I have no further details.''

Conspiracy theories are popular because they take the often complex and obscure events of life and give them the appearance of simplicity and openness. They bring comfort to those who feel victimized and feed the egos of the downtrodden by telling them that they are not just losers, but victims of a vast plot.

The tendency is to laugh at people who think the Queen of England sets crop prices. But there is also something tragic to them.

Take the hip-hop song "Why,'' enjoying popularity as well as notoriety for asking the musical question, "Why did Bush knock down the towers?''

The singer, one Jadakiss, says, "A lot of my people felt that he had something to do with it.''

Oh please.

Michael Miner doesn't count

On some days you wish there was a media critic in the city. Monday was one of those days. Since there is no impartial observer, I must pass this on myself because it so perfectly illustrates the difference between the Chicago Sun-Times and the Chicago Tribune.

The front page headline on Monday's Sun-Times was about that terrible Elmhurst slaying: "RUSSIAN ROULETTE KILLS SUBURBAN TEEN.'' The Tribune put its story on the front page of its Metro section under the most generic headline ever written: "Suspect in killing at large." And the Russian Roulette aspect of the story? The part that gripped those of us who aren't a colleague of General Zorn and his Android Army from Planet Dull? That doesn't show up until the end of the eighth paragraph.

Potshots

*As fun as it is to pretend that Mike Ditka might run for Senate, the bottom line is he has too many contractual ties to big-money sponsors to just go missing suddenly.

*Which is a shame. Barack Obama deserves a worthy opponent to defeat. His victory over Popo the Clown, or whoever the Republicans finally dig up, just won't have the sweetness that beating an actual contender would. Maybe next time.

'How can you type filth'

My item on gay marriage Monday drew a lot of response, as you can imagine, but I'll only quote one. A certain Matt P. wrote in, reminding us that, at heart, bias against gays is a form of religious intolerance. He didn't use those words, exactly, but his message is clear. Here's how he put it:

"How can you type the filth that littered your last story about homosexual marriage. Homosexual marriage is wrong! Damage will be done to the sanctity of marriage. First, it's against the word of God to be homosexual. If that's not enough to deter you, then how about it being unnatural for these relationships to take place. Man and woman were put on this earth to love each other and to create families and get married. How can a man/man or woman/woman relationship create families?'' ... Just remember that when you die you can't take your gay lover, wife, husband, etc. with you, and you must answer to God himself.''

And we all know exactly how God feels about this.

At least some do. Myself, I like to pay attention to what the Big Guy does, vs. what people say He said.

And regarding gays, of this there is no debate: He sure made them.

Didn't He?

Closing shot

Tuesday afternoon was too muggy to be outside. But an errand drew me to North Michigan Avenue, where I encountered a group of perky young teens in red T-shirts emblazoned with "Democratic National Committee.''

"Would you like to help defeat George Bush?'' a young lady chirped, launching into a spiel about swing states such as Ohio. I did the pat my pockets and shrug routine and hurried to my errand.

Geez, I thought. I'd heard there is a lot of passion for beating George Bush, but not much enthusiasm behind the man in a position to do so, John Kerry. This seemed confirmation. It was only a notch above "Would you like to support the guy running against George Bush?'' and doesn't bode well for Kerry's chances.

After my errand I encountered the red-clad kids again.

"Do you want to help defeat George Bush?'' a young man squeaked.

I dug into my pockets and ponied up five bucks. Call me a sucker for lost causes.