Encyclopedia Dramatica's server is falling apart, save it by donating to ED now! DO IT FOR THE LULZ!

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Doug apparently is the best cartoon ever, regardless of the fact that every other episode involved him going to the mall to buy new shoes. It centered around a kid named Doug Fuckie who had a dog named Porkshit. No lulz are ever produced when watching Doug.

Typical scene from Doug.

Doug proudly teaches the value of friendship.

Characters

Everyone remembers watching that show Doug on Nickelodeon, if not then they got pissed off when their kids spent time watching it. The other day I was brushing my teeth, and I was thinking about how much of a suckass pussy Doug and his friends are. Here's my analysis of his idiot friends, all of whom need to jump into a trash compactor.

Rule 34

Douglas Yansee Fuckie

Doug, after getting creamed by Roger.

Fat piece of trash with a creative last name... or so the creators thought before Warner Brothers bought the show.... Needs to move back to Bloatsburg. Doug is bald and spends all his time at home with his dog Porkchop, drawing Quail Man comics. It's a little known fact that Doug is left-handed. Explains a lot of his introvert, comic-drawing, deviant behavior, doesn't it? This means that he has to use his right hand for it to feel like someone else is doing it. Not only that, but it means he doesn't fit in the average circle jerk since he keeps bumping arms, forcing him to practice his faggotry alone and making him angrier and angrier.

Quail Man

Doug's fictitious super-hero version of himself. He wears a belt on his head, his shit-stained underwear on the outside, and a menstrual-red cape. He has the power to stare someone down (and in the process this red shit shoots out of his eyes), aka the Quail-Eye. Alas; evil murderous villians who want to take over the world suddenly see the light and succumb to Quail Man's super quail powers. Instead of kicking ass like a regular super hero would, he looks at people. If he could blow shit up or could spit acid or cool stuff like that, he'd still be a pussy, but at least he could defend himself.

Mosquito (Skeeter) Vagina

Skeeter always hated the Jews.

That blue nigger doing what he does best.

Annoying blue nigger who thinks hes the coolest person in Bluffington. One night he and doug were bored on a rainy day, and after a quick game of "you show me yours and I'll show you mine", they washed the jizz off their hands and wrote a comic book together. Doug was, of course, Quail Man, and Skeeter was "SILVER SKEETER" (cue super hero music). Silver Skeeter can skateboard around on his rocket powered skateboard and block the sun by stretching his body an infinite number of times the size it normally is. Skeeter constantly goes around saying annoying crap like, "Hey Doug. Honk Honk!". He literally makes a car horn sound whenever he greets Doug. If I ever saw him in public, I'd punch him in the cock.

One time he tried to teach Doug how to dance so that he could bump gorditas with Pussy Mayonnaise on the floor, but he got so caught up in trying to suck his own cock that he got stuck in some creepy pretzel position. He asked Doug to help him out of it, but Doug got so hard he had to run off and finish himself off.

The Silver Skeet

See also: Mary Sue

Judy Anastasia Fuckie

Doug's sister. Drama queen who thinks that she has a lot of friends because she goes to an advanced high school for performing arts. The only reason anyone even hangs out with her is because she's a total slut. Notice how she was always coming in with a different guy? I rest my case. Famous for having a collection of bricks and books. She refers to everything as "bourgeois" even though she lives in a multistory house with a yard and both parents in the suburbs, and is most likely destined for art school.

Porkshit

Skeeter always had problems.

This dog needs to be put to sleep. He's got one hell of a dog house. First of all, its an igloo; interesting, because it would easily melt and/or give him hypothermia because he lives there every day. The dog's fucking spoiled as hell, because he's got a TV, kitchen, doorbell, hell; even a bathroom. The sad thing is he's better than Doug at baseball.

In one memorable Christmas special, Porkshit tears apart Peepee while she plays ice hockey, thus sentencing him to the pound where he was sold to Gilette for product testing, then cut up and served to the hungry citizens of Bluffington. And that's how Doug saved Christmas. Think about that the next time you're using your Mach 3 to shave your testicles.

Mr. Dick

Doug's annoying neighbor Mr. Dick is always trying to invite Doug into his home so he can molest him. His wife Titty wants a divorce but Mr. Dick will never sign the divorce papers. He is a collector of very expensive things but seems to have no job to pay for them. It is assumed that he whores out his wife to pay for his hobbies.

Pussy Mayonnaise

Spoiler: She dies in the third season.

Doug's crush. When she walks in a room, suddenly light flashes everywhere. She's good at sports (she was the school quarterback in one episode), smart in school, and the most popular kid in school. Doug liked her from the first day he moved to Bluffington. One day he handcuffed her to himself and almost put the moves on her, but didn't because he's a fucking pussy and dropped the key down a vent. Just as well... she's secretly a man. Her dad is in a wheelchair and because of this, her mom became an hero, and the only reason she's always so happy and smiley is the Paxil.

She told Doug that he was terrible after Doug drove his parents' car into her old house, drunk, causing it to collapse. Just as well; it had become a crackhouse and was slated to be demolished anyways. After realizing what he'd done, Doug went to the site and managed to find the old door knocker, and then presented it to Patti, saying "you can have this knocker if I can touch yours." Patti started to cry but didn't say anything while Doug had his way with her, because the medication kept her from standing up for herself.

Cunty Stupidbaker

Everything Patty is, except his skin is green, and he has about 700 trophies and not the slightest bit attractive. He's the captain/quarterback/linebacker/everything else on the football team. Everyone else is a failure in his father's eyes, because he obviously can't produce offspring that are as perfect as him. One time he cheated off of Doug's test and then broke down in tears when he told his dad that he had to miss the "BIG GAME" because he had to redo the test. "But dad I was so busy practicing football and winning these awards that I didn't have time to study!!" Whoops, no one cares. Go die Chalky, you will never amount to anything.

Roger Clitz

This explains everything.

Rape was a common theme on Doug.

The school bully, but quite a pussy considering how he owns the school. He's been in the same grade for 3 years, which makes him as old as a freshman but he's still in elementary school. One time when he was fighting Doug (he called Doug out when Doug was running in the hallway and bumped into him, then he put the fear of God into Doug by saying "Well, Funnie... it uh... looks like I'm gonna have to uh... er... cream yah.... nneerrr..."), he ran home crying because Doug thought he was Quail Man again and gave him the quail eye. With Roger gone, Doug walked home proudly, but on the way he tripped over a crack in the sidewalk and broke his nose.

Fencock Himmel

Foreign exchange student. Speaks pretty damn good English for a "Yackastonian." Too bad his accent reveals that not only is he a fraud, but he's balless and just wants to get it on with Mr. Boner, whom he lives with.

Mr. Boner

Shitty vice principal. He's got about 10 things up his ass at any given moment, or so it seems. Once he and Mrs. Wingo's class started a school-wide newscast, but Mr. Boner took over it because he thought he was being a badass. Roger sucked [up to] him and became the co-anchor. Then when Roger gave him pink underwear as a gift, they swapped tongues for 15 minutes straight while the camera was rolling.

Peepee Muff

The richest girl in school. She once held a no-boys-allowed party where she invited every girl in her grade (which was only like 8th) and Doug and Skeeter tried breaking in so they could gang bang them all, but unfortunately they fell off the roof of the 7 story mansion and landed on their pricks. Her father owns all of Bluffington, but it's too bad his daughter's butt ugly.

Mrs. Dildo

Wrinkly old bitch of a teacher. Whenever she reprimands a student, she always addresses them by their entire name ("Douglas Yancey Funnie! How could you?!") and demands that they stay after class for an hour to lick her dry, raisin clit. She also has white hair. How about that, eh?

The Elusive Mr. Buttravage

Terrible head principal. Mr. Buttravage is often referred to/bitched about but is never seen in the flesh because he's too busy jackin' it in his office, plus he doesn't give a shit about school or administrative issues. Some say that he watches the boys from his window during football practice, looking for a perfect athletic specimen to join his neverending harem of underage queer whores.

Mayor Only Whites

Narcissistic mayor of Bluffington, who constantly reminds people to vote for him. Spends an awful lot of time around middle schoolers in his effort for reelection, undoubtedly because he wants to receive golden showers from young boys. This makes it clear that he was elected as a Republican. Eventually he loses his position to Titty Dick but this actually works out better for him, as he ends up the principal of the middle school.

Big Gay Al "Al" Sleech and Moosefucker "Moo" Sleech

Basement-dwelling twin brothers who are into animu, cosplay, MMORPG's and bestiality. Their father is ashamed of them and thus leaves them alone all day, instead working at a bakery where he puts freshly-baked donuts around his penis before giving them to children for great justice. The Sleech brothers are assumed to have aspergers.

They both come to a sticky end when Dr. Dick asks Doug to dress up as a hamburger for a sex game, and both of the Sleech brothers are dragged helplessly into a lake. Doug fails to save them, and an XBOX HUEG celebration is thrown in honor of their death.

Connie a.k.a. Staci Suxxx

Moo! Connie is the fat girl at Doug's school. She tried to comfort Doug when he gained weight by saying that she wasn't fat, she was "BBW," and by proxy, Doug was just "Husky." Doug told her to STFU, punched her in the cunt and went to go draw more comics. Hung out with Patti and Beebee who used her as the "fat girl" to make themselves look better. Predictably, by high school, she was an attention whore who tried to cover up her lesbianism by trying to get Roger to screw her. It's a common fact that fat bitches earn respect by givin' primo head to everyone and anyone.

History

Jesus, what's with the comics?

What started out as shitty stick figures, the creator, Jim Jinkins, decided was good enough to be pitched as a show. Well, Nickelodeon took his idea and they collaborated together to make five million episodes.

Once cancelled, Disney pwned the shit out of Nickelodeon, then stole it for more episodes.

Doug continued to whore himself out on the street when they released the theatrical movie "Doug's: 1st Movie". Clever, no?

FACT ALERT: This is the point where the fan is supposed to say "LOL OMG! DOUG JUMPED THE SHARK WHEN IT MOVED TO DISNEY! LEWL!"

Fanbase

The show often ended with Skeeter raping some 16-year-old girl that was asking for it. This time... he went too far.

Includes everyone on the internet, and you suck if you don't get the "Honk Honk" reference said by everyone.

They thank god everyday that Disney and Nickelodeon don't come together to release the episodes on DVD.

If Doug Is Ever Brought up...

The following posts will be made:

• "I used to watch that show! It was awesome!"
• "It was good, until Disney shitted all over it."
• "Honk Honk!"

Break the monotony with "PENIS PENIS PENIS".

Closing Thoughts

The Beets are still better then The Beatles

Gallery

External Links

• I'm pretty sure this isn't real.