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George Zimmer
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
HI, I’M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN’S WEARHOUSE. YOUR MOTHER MAY HAVE BEEN BLESSED MORE TIMES BY THE SACRED WHITE RIVER OF MY PELVIC PALADIN, BUT THAT IS NO REASON TO GIVE ME THE GREEN EYE OF JEALOUSY, MY COCK-LOVING CAVALIER. BETWEEN US, TONIGHT WILL BE RELIGIOUS RAPTURE, FOR YOUR ANAL CLEFT SHALL BE MY GREAT SEA, AND I SHALL BE ITS MOSES, CLEAVING ITS MIGHTY CHOCOLATE OCEAN TO MAKE WAY FOR THE SAFE PASSAGE OF MY TESTICULAR TRIBE, HAVING BEEN GRANTED MEPHITIC FREEDOM FROM THE TYRANNY OF ENSLAVEMENT BEHIND A LOCKED PROSTATE. TO DO THIS, I WILL READY MY LONGIUS TO PIERCE YOUR BACKSIDE’S SACRED DOMAIN — YOU WILL SCREAM FIRST IN PAIN, THEN IN PASSION AS ITS STEEL-LADEN GIRTH STRETCHES AND RIPS THE FABRIC OF YOUR MORTAL INNARDS, DISIMBUING YOU OF YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS, LEADING YOU TO A HEAVEN, THEN REVIVING YOUR FEELING OF PHYSICAL REALITY LIKE A ONCE-CRUCIFIED JESUS RETURNING TO EARTH. I GUARANTEE IT.
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History
George Zimmer started out as a troll on the Ashlee Simpson message board in response to her SNL lip synching controversy. The troll’s posts featured ALL CAPS first person rants about the suit-czar’s potent masculinity and his ability to provide Ashlee with the ultimate in sexual experiences. The meme spread to less reputable parts of teh internets where the characteristic style of the original posts was parodied, usually targeting a lame n00b or even the reader, accompanied by an appropriate portrait of the dapper salesman. He is now somewhat old meme but a well crafted Zimmerism will still wrench a few lulz out of even the most jaded fag.
Zimmer on YTMND
After owning YTMND with his colossal frosting dispenser, the YTMND thieves decided to smuggle Zimmer into the border. Unfortunately, they always do it wrong, so if you thought Zimmer was funny on YTMND, kill yourself.
External links
- Archive of the original Ashlee Simpson message board thread
- Further Ashlee Simpson trollage
- Zimmer appears on Question Swap
- Elljay Zimmer spamination
- 4chan Zimmerism archive
- Attempted Gaian Zimmerism
- [ obviously authentic anecdote from George Zimmer http://kettlebasher.livejournal.com/40529.html?view=142417#t142417]
Gallery
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