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Raptor Jesus
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
There came a day when Raptor Jesus walked with His disciples in a city. They passed many people, and Raptor Jesus would state "They are Anonymous, they are the masses. They are many, and yet they are one. They are quick to judge, and their wrath is terrible." Then Raptor Jesus and His disciples came across a man painting a mural. Raptor Jesus studied the man's work for a time, and then turned to his disciples.
"Animated," he said.
A minor, mildly retarded 4chan meme consisting of a raptor's head crudely photoshopped onto any picture of Jesus. Rose to fame when it became the 900,000th picture posted to the /b/ (random) board, only to have the moderators replace it with a much funnier image - a manga of a man with a donut around his penis. Raptor Jesus never achieved the status of Cockmongler or Pedobear amongst the rapists and pedophiles of /b/, but His "disciples" keep the faith alive in the Rapor Jesus Wiki, a mindless mess of half-formed sentences, drunken ramblings and faux biblical language.
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[edit] The Prayer of Raptor Jesus
"This prayer the Holy Saurian didst impart upon his loyal followers, the seventh hour of the fourth day of the eleventh month, during the festival of loli-worship."
Our Raptor, Who art in /h/eaven, shopped be Thy face; Thy donations come, Thy posts be done in /b/ as it is in /h/eaven. Give us this day our daily Bridget; and forgive us our trolling as we forgive those who troll against us, and lead us not into faggotry, but deliver us from /fur/ry. In the name of the Moot, the Raptor, and the Holy Server, Amen.
Raptor Jesus is also unfunny, but since He went extinct for our sins, the point is moot.
From what little is understood of Raptor Jesus, He loves Tom Chou. Apparently He died for his sins first, and I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said "you're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air."
[edit] The Creed of Raptor Jesus
Followers of Raptor Jesus are easily identifiable because they have not showered recently nor have they ever seen a girl. They live by the following simple beliefs and most likely have one or more of these statements tattooed on their cocks.
- Love Raptor Jesus or die.
- Raptor Jesus is the saviour of all mankind, and will deliver thee to carnivorous enlightnement.
- Believe in the Lord Raptor Jesus, and thou shalt be saved!
- Raptor Jesus will rise again!
- Raptor Jesus went extinct for your sins!
- Raptor Jesus loves you!
[edit] Second Coming
The second coming of Raptor Jesus actually occurred last Thursday. Many were expecting a massive Earth shattering event to announce His presence but instead He arrived on United Airlines Flight 47 to Dulles. Reporters waiting at the gate quoted Raptor Jesus as saying he was "vaklempt" and something about "mashugenah." This is of course because Raptor Jesus is a fucking Jew. He has not yet rendered judgment on the sinners of the world but instead is sitting in His basement eating Ramen and spinning a dreidel. He can be found on #ED and His MySpace page here.
[edit] Gallery
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