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| Connecting With Your Teenager | |
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April 28, 1999 Watching Ally McBeal, TV's most neurotic lawyer, my daughter and I find plenty to talk about. And through these conversations, we've learned to listen to each other with interest and respect. By Sarah Ban Breathnach This past year I discovered a back alley — a spirited shortcut — to adolescent attention and affection. Ally McBeal. That's right, Ally McBeal, television's neurotic, miniskirted, wafer-thin, man-crazy, 20-something lawyer tends to make mothers scream with derision and their Gen X and Y daughters howl with delight. As such, she has become my secret ally, helping me to communicate with my daughter and transform teen angst into engagement. This is no small blessing, because my 16-year-old and I are on opposite ends of the female hormone cycle. It's a time when mother-daughter relationships are fragile, fraught with tension, misery, and misunderstanding. For better or worse, television is our society's communal campfire: Each night families gather round, seeking stories to nourish their souls. So it is with us. Now, I'm not about to argue that Ally's hilarious romantic mishaps, emotionally dysfunctional dribble, and eccentric R-rated daydreams are uplifting in the way that episodes of, say, Touched by an Angel are. But as quirky and provocative as Ally's perspective may be, the show does explore complex human dilemmas and difficult life choices — while at the same time giving me the opportunity to laugh with my teenager. On the surface it might appear that Ally McBeal and Touched by an Angel are the yin and yang of television programming. But both reflect on how the mystical is hidden in the mundane of our daily rounds. Touched by an Angel, a show I watch with a box of tissues by my side, feels like a revival meeting; you know you're going to be "moved by the Spirit," as the old hymns promised, by the end of each episode. That's why you watch. Ally McBeal challenges us to remember that the sacred can be discovered in the outlandish and profane if we're willing to be open to it. For instance, in one episode Ally's former law professor dies suddenly. His widow, who knew Ally was her husband's favorite student, asks her to give the eulogy. But, once upon a time, Ally wasn't just the teacher's pet; she was also his lover. How she deals with her unresolved feelings of loss, guilt, regret, remorse, and respect for his wife and family is as funny as it is illuminating. Thomas Moore, the best-selling author of, Care of the Soul, believes TV's most transcendent moments are to be found in comedy. "Comedians are like priests," he has said. "They break apart all the pieties, all those things that we hold to be more sacred than we should. They turn things upside down, and that's a terribly important spiritual activity." But the real reason I treasure watching Ally McBeal is that Katie and I are bound to find plenty in it to talk about. And because the conversation isn't personal, we each feel free to voice our strong opinions; we can agree to disagree. This breakthrough has enabled both of us to learn how to talk to each other, rather than talk at each other. And to listen, with interest and respect. Granted, the topics of our lively discussions — sexual harassment, adultery, older women/younger men, unisex bathrooms, polygamy, promiscuity, artificial insemination, and office romances — are not the ones I would have naturally chosen. "So what happened in school today?" is more my mother tongue. But after exploring gay marriages and foot fetishes with your teenager, the crucial heart-to-heart chats you must have — about love's responsibilities, the sanctity of sex, teenage pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, eating disorders, drugs, drinking, and safe driving — hold no fear. Well, almost no fear. I've just read that two characters in my daughter's new favorite shows, Felicity and Dawson's Creek, are contemplating the loss of their virginity. Oh, baby… Stay tuned. © 1999 by Hearst Communications, Inc.; all rights reserved |
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