By CHRISTINE ARPE GANG
Scripps Howard News Service

They are additional scheduled events in weeks that are already hectic, but families that have them say they are invaluable.

They are family meetings. These gatherings keep communications open, foster family unity, and teach children how to solve problems and how to work within a group, experts say.

For the Riding family of Memphis, Tenn., weekly meetings are a necessity for coordinating a complicated schedule involving two parents and four children, ranging in age from 5 to 18, in four different schools.

"When my husband [Kent] came here for his job and we were still in Salt Lake [City], we did our meetings over a speaker phone," said Kelli Riding, mother of the clan and keeper of the calendar.

The Ridings, who are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, start their meeting with a prayer.

Then they go through schedules for the next week, making sure all the children will get picked up and dropped off at their schools and extracurricular activities.

"I did not grow up in a family that had weekly meetings," Kelli said. "Whatever my mom and dad said went. But when we married, we decided we wanted to keep communications open with our kids.

"Meeting together makes everyone feel a part of the unit. We talk about how the children can help us and how we can help them."

A couple of recent meetings focused on adjustments that needed to be made to pay high utility bills.

When meetings are held regularly, it's easier to deal with problems as they arise, said the Rev. Fred Morton, director of the counseling center at Christ United Methodist Church in Memphis.

"Short weekly meetings are helpful to all involved," Morton said. "It allows parents to shift their roles -- not just to dictate all the time."

While it's important for children to be heard and their comments considered, everyone should know that parents will be making the final decisions, Morton said.

The time, place, and form of the meeting are dependent on family dynamics. Meeting advocates say it's best not to have them during dinner, but right afterward is fine.

"I recommend meeting on Sunday nights as a way to prepare during the next week," said Lawrence Siemrau, a marriage and family therapist.

There should be a family calendar posted on a bulletin board or refrigerator, he said, and it's a good idea for family members to have their own calendars, too.

Planning activities and recording them on a calendar is more than a logistical tool, Siemrau said.

"It fosters safety because family members feel secure in knowing how they fit into the schedule," he said.

For the Riding household, the family calendar notes everyone's school schedule and extracurricular activities. Rodney, a 15-year-old high school student, and Robert, an 18-year-old sophomore at the University of Memphis, are both involved in bands and take music lessons.

All the boys are Scouts, and the parents are involved in Scouting as well. Family members attend numerous church functions, including a daily seminary class for Rodney that starts at 5:30 a.m.

Because Kent Riding frequently travels for his job by car, there is sometimes just one automobile available for ferrying family members to their schools and activities. Kelli works part time at a Mother's Day Out program.

At a recent Riding family meeting, the news that Kent would be in town on a day he had expected to be away met with "yea's" from other family members. Those extra wheels make life a less complicated.

In about 30 minutes, the meeting was over.

"Sometimes our meetings last 10 minutes and sometimes an hour," Kelli said.

The Rev. Bill Christian, his wife, Carla, and their three teenage daughters have family night every Thursday, his day off.

"We always go out to eat and then take time for a meeting afterwards," said Christian, pastor to married adults at Germantown Baptist Church.

During the meeting the family goes through the next week's events and plans future happenings such as spring breaks and summer vacations.

"It puts everybody on the same page so there are no surprises ahead," Christian said. "We talk realistically about budgets."

Even though his daughters have hectic schedules, Christian said, they protect their Thursday nights with the family: "It's a priority for us."

Christine Arpe Gang writes for The Commercial Appeal in Memphis, Tenn.

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