Experts
Say Parental Influence Is Most Powerful Deterrent
April 4, 2000
By Tracey Paradiso
NEW YORK (APBnews.com) --
What is the single most important consideration
in a child's decision whether to use drugs,
alcohol or tobacco? Jail? Death?
Polls of children have
consistently shown that the most powerful
deterrent to substance abuse is a desire not to
disappoint their parents.
"Let's face it,
society is a challenge, but parents remain the
biggest influence in a kid's life, and they
shouldn't forget that," said Howard Simon,
spokesman for Partnership for a Drug-Free America
(PDFA).
For this reason, public
service announcements encourage parents to talk
to their children about drugs. But experts say
there is an art to communicating your values and
expectations on this vital subject to your child
-- and they urge parents also to teach their
children the decision-making skills that will
enable them to anticipate the consequences of
using drugs, alcohol and tobacco.
Alcohol and nicotine:
'gateway drugs'
The age at which children
start using drugs, alcohol and tobacco has been
dropping steadily, experts have noted. The
average age of youngsters who start smoking is
10.
"Alcohol and nicotine
[are] the 'gateway drugs' that start a pattern of
behavior that then leads to other drug
usage," Earl Fielder, special agent for the
Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA), told
APBnews.com.
The average age is 13 1/2
for children who smoke marijuana, which can be
laced with crack, cocaine, PCP and other drugs,
explained Carol Falkowski, a spokeswoman for the
Hazelden Foundation.
The drug scene today also
has choices that weren't available to baby
boomers in the '60s and '70s. Children have
access to a variety of Ecstasy and other
"club" or "party" drugs, as
well as a new form of heroin that is snorted
instead of injected -- which may make it more
inviting.
Teach that there are
consequences
"All along in the
development of a child, we're always setting out
limits and telling them, 'Don't cross the street
without looking,' 'Don't eat candy you find on
the street.' And it should be the same thing with
the dangers of alcohol and drugs," Falkowski
said.
It's also important that
children clearly understand that their actions
and choices carry consequences, said parenting
expert Michael Thomson. He suggests clear
communication and limits. "This is what we
expect of your behavior in our home," a
parent might say to a child, Thomson said.
"If you make the
right choices you earn this: It's called
privileges. If you make poor choices -- then
guess what, First National Bank of Mom and Dad is
now closed, ride service is now over, you are now
not using the phone."
When children make poor
choices, Thomson said, parents need to follow
through on consequences and not lower the bar of
what is expected.
Create an 'ongoing
dialogue'
"Parents assume that
when their child reaches a certain age, it's time
to sit down and have a 'drug talk' when, in fact,
the better approach is to talk early and to talk
often," said Falkowski.
Ongoing dialogue is at the
heart of prevention efforts. "Dialogue
implies there's two ways here, that you're
talking with your kids, and that it's
ongoing," said Simon.
Experts agree that the
best way to communicate values and expectations
to a child of any age is to learn to recognize,
and take advantage of, "teachable
moments" that can serve as a springboard to
a discussion about the important topic.
Seize the moment
Catalysts for teachable
moments can be a television program, a newspaper
article, an event that occurs at school or an
advertisement, said Diane Litterer, spokeswoman
for the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug
Dependence.
To initiate a talk, a
parent might ask, "What did you think about
what happened in that show?" Such comments
can be a natural, unforced and nonthreatening way
to communicate your value system and
expectations.
But these windows of
opportunity can present themselves unexpectedly,
so keep your antennae up. "It's helpful when
kids bring up the topics themselves, because they
don't view the discussion as a lecture,"
Litterer said.
Especially with older
kids, avoid the "hellfire and
brimstone" talks, Thomson stressed.
"You need to be more realistic and say,
'Listen, we know it's out there. We do not want
you to use it. We don't want you to be part of
it. If you make a choice to get involved, we are
going to hold you accountable.'"
Complicated histories
A baby boomer who is now a
parent in West Caldwell, N.J., struggles over
what to tell her children about drugs.
"It's very
intimidating ... because of what I myself did at
my daughter's age, and I'm not sure how to deal
with that. I would disclose these things to her,
but circumstances today are very different,"
she said. The mother didn't want her name used.
It's not uncommon for
parents to experience inner conflict about the
topic, Litterer said. But she said parents must
overcome their ambivalence because of the more
serious consequences of drug use today.
"Bear in mind ...
[that] drugs are more prevalent, more potent,
lead to more promiscuous activities and violence
at younger ages and have greater consequences,
such as sexually transmitted diseases and
HIV."
The power of love
If there is an active
alcoholic or drug abuser in the family, children
will need more candid talks about addiction from
an early age.
"Parents need to be
aware of their feelings, but they also need to be
aware of what they want for their kids. Once you
know what you want for them, you have to be in a
position to explain that to them," said
Simon.
Sometimes, it's as simple
as saying, "I don't want you to do drugs
because I love you and I care about you,"
said Simon.
Tracey Paradiso is an
APBnews.com correspondent in New Jersey.
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