Note to Readers: Normally I finish reviews before I post them. In this case, I cared so little about the fucking movie that I never finished. Sorry. If you want to see the completed review, take a shit in a frying pan and touch your eyeballs to it.

    Movies like this make me hate Hollywood. First of all, how anybody associated with Saturday Night Live is able to walk down the street without getting a beat down, let alone get money from a major studio to make a movie is beyond me. It is sad how poorly people age. Isn’t Loren Michaels the guy who discovered John Belushi and Bill Murray? Didn’t he produce Animal House and The Blues Brothers? (I’m going to keep referring to The Blues Brothers as an example of how to do a Saturday Night Live movie adaptation. I will also refer to The Blues Brothers Y2K as a way to anger God.) If anybody would have taken my advice and euthenized everybody involved with The Blues Brothers 2000 (Especially Eric Clapton) maybe we would have been spared the pain that is The Ladies Man. Maybe.

     This movie stinks on several levels. If it wasn’t so fucking banal in its subject matter, The Ladies Man might merit its own concentric circle of hell, like that movie with Natalie Portman and Ashley Judd. Instead, it gets to share a circle with the aforementioned Blues Brothers Y2K and the Norm McDonald/Dave Chapele/Danny Devito disgrace Screwed. All movies which leave the viewing audience feeling violated, stupid and sad. Sad because they had every right and every chance to get up and walk away and they didn’t. Stupid because they could have been watching Dr. Strangelove, or reading a book, or just simply lying in the grass and watching the sky. Finally, violated because your intellect has been utterly molested, if not in fact raped.

     [Side Bar: Speaking of The Blues Brothers Y2K, which not only featured the lowly Eric Clapton, but had Paul Shafer as well; Has anybody besides me ever wondered how John Goodman is capable of starring in this hunk of shit, in addition to say The Flintstones and the incredibly wretched Jerry Bruckheimer cinematic atrocity Coyote Ugly, yet still rule the screen in Raising Arizona, Barton Fink and The Big Lebowski? Blame the reputed genius of the Coen brothers, I guess. It really bugs me, though.]

    Every single joke in The Ladies Man has not only been covered adequately on the Saturday Night vignettes where it originated, but in almost every other single with a black man in it. Some of the really funny themes covered are; Black men have big dicks. Black food, i.e. soul food, is disgusting. Black people who succeed in the white world are traitors to real black people. (The funny part of that last sentence is, that if you reversed the words black and white in that last sentence, you have an After School Special. As it stands, you have poor, washed up and pathetic humor.) Wrestlers wear tights and they are secretly gay. The Seventies were really campy. Etc.

    But it never ended. The only remotely interesting part of the movie (Besides The Woman Who Looks Like Rebecca who looks like a girl I used to sleep with) was the lead black girl

     Mention that the Roxbury guy survives the knife because he plays a funny Alex Trebec. However, the guy from Brain Candy gets it because the fucking, “I’m Crushing Your Head.” Is one of the most overrated bits ever to gain notoriety in Holy Grail crowd comedy circles, but he is an asshole for appearing in The Ladies Man.