Remember the last time we played EA Tiburon? We do. After calling us out, EA Tiburon’s not-so-crack team was thoroughly dismantled. Unhappy with the results the first time around, Zachre Sylvestre and other members of EA Tiburon’s more competitive cadre of employees decided that the corporate behemoth had been grossly misrepresented as fragile little Halo-playing ballerinas in the first go ‘round.

EA Tiburon held a series of tryouts where an arbitrator judged each players’ teamwork abilities in addition to examining each participants’ raw stats in a pair of objective-based games and a pair of slayer games. Then once they’d determined who their Best of the Best included, they organized them into a team and practiced. They also begged us not to field Frankie, since they felt that is what caused their crushing last time.

Would EA Tiburon rise from the ashes of defeat and spread its wings and fly?

Not if we had anything to say about it.

Bungie

• New0001 – Yes
• Eamon – Yessir
• Abe Froman SK – Yes magnified
• JonnyOthan – Yes ad infinitum
• Thug Larz – Oh Yez
• TJ Scoot – Yes man

EA Tiburon’s Greatest and Best Halo Players in the our Galaxy and other Galaxies

• Yannie Boy – It could be worse, you could’ve been Yanni Boi
• StabbAmonte – Not one time Blackhawk great Tony Amonte
• Shadow Kisuragi – Yeah, that’s Lars’ favorite anime, too.
• J0NATHAN RAMB0 – Apparently the one with the letter O instead of a zero was taken
• pariahmatt – Why so self hating? L
• ToBeAnnounced 0 – Nostradamus of number of EA wins

Game 1

click to enlarge

Multi Flag CTF on Valhalla
Tone of Game: Note to self: include Time Limits

The EA All-Stars used their divine right to pick first and selected a game of Multi Flag CTF on Valhalla. Everything is completely default, unfortunately, even the time limit of “Infinite.” As a result, the Saved Film is a squillion hours long and a tribillion megabytes of a download.

For being over 21 minutes long, the entire game can be summed up in a small clip. An unsuspecting Mongoose driver escorts his flag carrier from our base and runs into our flag carrier, Abe Froman SK. What ensues is precisely what you would expect to ensue when we’re playing against the EA All-Stars.

Click here to download the clip to your Xbox 360.


Final Score: 3-0 (Bungie Wins)
Watch the film here

Game 2

Team Slayer on Sandtrap
Tone of Game:

To commemorate this game, I took one of those “fancy” pictures that the folks on the Internet call “sketches” of Eamon who ended up with a Killing Frenzy in a Chopper. The game started off close; I think we were even losing for a little bit at the beginning.

Our use, misuse and maybe abuse of vehicles turned the game into a rout, but it wasn’t as bad as last time we played EA in Team Slayer. The result of our first meeting was 100-47, the final here was much more admirable.

Final Score: 100-62 (Bungie Wins)
Watch the film here

Game 3

Team Slayer on Construct
Tone of Game: PERF!

With the Humpday Chalice once again in our possession, the third game (or “turd game,” if you’re Bungie Designer Francois Boucher-Genesse) was just a formality and we wanted to knock it out quickly. Zachare rejoined and played beside the Bungie guys as the party expanded to 14 for additional carnage.

We fell behind early again, and the EA All-Stars adopted a strategy that was eerily similar to Frankie’s Street Fighter Third Strike Akuma strat – they turtled. Cowering in Construct’s basement they holed up like Tom Cruise in War of the Worlds, without the killing a creepy dude in the basement, part. Everything was going their way.

Unlike the CTF game there was no singular moment that defined the event, the closest thing to seem similar to it was when JonnyOthan sent the Power Drainer of All Time through the yellow lift removing four or five guys’ shields before a smattering of grenades propelled their bodies off of the map.

Final Score: 100-72
Watch the film here