Sometimes to find out what we’re made of, we have to reach to the very depths of our being, when all hope is lost and we’re on the side of some fiery mountain with a fat kid carrying us upwards into its fiery mouth. When we’re not LARPing our favorite moments from Lord of the Rings on Wednesday nights, we’re usually locked in mortal confrontation with jerks on the Internet.

SBG Clan seemed like a group of kind, excitable, friendly adults – which is delightful, because the screaming for chocolate milk that Tung does during the Humpday can get a little tiresome. Unfortunately, that kindly mask was a simple façade for the treachery that would unfold.

Bungie

• Thug Larz
• New0001
• Frankie
• TJ Scoot
• JonnyOthan
• Evil Otto
• Swah
• Chucky

SBG Clan

• Sedated SBG
• Godlywayz SBG
• NAMLOCO SBG
• II The Risen II
• WHATZUPWITHTAH
• Hannibal SBG
• frtknckr SBG
• TruthPastor SBG
• REDEEMED SBG
• Wyoming SBG
• MaJoR SBG

Game 1

I don’t know if there is an easy, non-tedious way to find the information, so I’m just going to proclaim this game the fiercest beating Bungie has received in Team Slayer in recent memory. It was certainly the worst beating we’ve taken since I’ve been here. Frankie insists the one we took from a Japanese team was worse. Six players is just enough people to have all of the “good vehicles” under control, while still holding the middle of the field and team shooting with Battle Rifles.

What I mean by team shooting is that when I, or some other poor, unfortunate, Bungie soul would spawn and start running toward the middle to throw our lives away, we were erased even faster because of three to four battle rifles firing at us at once. See how of their 103 kills (they had three betrayals, apparently) 94 of them were assisted? Ugh.

Bu-bu-but we had a bunch of assists, too. Not nearly enough, when you watch the film (from NAMLOCO’s perspective, as all of our films involved spawning, running and dying) detach the camera and observe map control. We were totally dominated and demoralized. But, we had a plan.

Final Score: 100-46 (SBG Wins)
Watch (and laugh at us) the film here

Game 2

Nades and Spades on Standoff
Tone of Game: Zany, Cheap

In case the flock of Eagles and fancy schmancy icons next to the SBG guys’ names weren’t enough (in addition to the 54-point shellacking in the first game)to convince you that we were outmatched, remember these guys play together all the time, I just sit near Frankie. That isn’t going to help us win jacksquat.

Completely aware of our underdog status, we decided to go against the grain and pick something completely different, something that would require outside of the box thinking, something that would take all of the advantages SBG enjoys over us and erase them, smoothing the rocky start into a fine, paved road.



Enter Nades and Spades. A variation of Slayer, in this case Team Slayer, Nades and Spades only rewards points for sticking another player, either with the Brute Grenade or the Plasma Grenade, or via melee kill - a beatdown or an assassination. Players start with Plasma Pistols and grenades are constantly regenerating in your arsenal. There’s certainly elements of strategy to “oh, my shields are down, I should just kill myself or stand on this other dude’s grenade so he doesn’t stick or slap me,” but almost none of the skillset that SBG used in Game 1 would apply here, and that, dear friends, is strategery.

Final Score: 50-42

Watch the film here
Download Nades and Spades here

Game 3

Team Slayer on Sketchtrap v.1
Tone of Game: Back, back, back and forth

After discussing what to play (and Frankie downloading the map from some hidden vault) we decided to play Team Slayer, default weapon starts on Sketchtrap, Bungie’s Brian Jarrard’s version of Sandtrap which tilts even heavier toward vehicular combat due to the Wraith and Scorpion that each team starts with (a Hornet also sits opposite of the Banshee).

We entertained playing Tower of Power on Spire, but realized that there would be too much infantry combat and we were incredibly outmatched on foot. Turns out, as things got underway on Sketchtrap we were as yet out matched and our plan was failing, miserably. We were in a giant hole again and it felt like a repeat of the first game. Yet, a flicker of hope came from a Scorpion driven by Evil Otto and a Hornet piloted by Chucky.

Slowly we started to come back, and somewhere in the 80s we overtook them. We had complete control of the map: both Scorpions, the Hornet, the Banshee and SBG was pinned, frazzled and unable to do little beyond cowering inside of the structures while getting pummeled by vehicles that couldn’t be taken down with Assault Rifles alone. If we hadn't won when we did, Frankie's very last action in the game would surely have ensured it. Unluckily for Frankie's individual score, he never finished that fight.

On this day, the better team did not win. The SBG guys completely outplayed us on Valhalla and we had to play weird gametypes to win. Owned newbs!

Final Score 100-81 (Bungie Wins)

Watch the Film here
Download Sketchtrap here