the way i am: interview with bisi alimi

By Chude Jideonwo (Source: Farafina Number 8, edited by Molara Wood)

February 27, 2007: Coming out of the closet in Nigerian society, is not for the faint-hearted; it's not even for the publicity-seeking.  But in October 2004, Bisi Alimi - in a first - calmly revealed his homosexuality on live television.  He did so on New Dawn, a popular talk show on the Nigerian Television Authority (NTA), in an atmosphere of transparent hostility. I had to understand what drove his need to come out.  And the day after the television appearance, I sat the young graduate down and asked all the hard questions agitating the minds of millions. And remarkably, Bisi Alimi didn't flinch.

Chude Jideonwo: I missed the interview you did with New Dawn, but I hear you talked about how you came out, something about a certain newspaper forcing you to come out?
 
Bisi Alimi: Er� yes, I was talking about this Campus Lifestyle magazine that came out in school� I found myself on the front page.
 
CJ: How?

BA: Actually, it was a friend of mine; he happened to be...

CJ: Gay?

BA: Off the record! He rushed down to my room and said he scooped a story about me in a magazine that was about to come out - what are we going to do? So he took me down to the publisher's room.  When I got there, I said, Prince, what have I done? And he was like, "Er� okay we got your story and it's a scoop. Everybody would like to read it because you're quite popular and they don't know this aspect of you and this is going to sell our magazine. So what we're going to do is, you get a story to replace this story."  And I remember I told him, 'Prince, I will never destroy anybody's life. Whatever you want to do, do.'

 CJ: He wanted you to do someone in?

BA: Yeah, and I told him, 'You can as well go ahead. You can destroy me, but I can never be party to you destroying another person.'  So, a friend of mine, his name is Tolu - he's in Finland now - the night before the magazine was supposed to come out, he rushed down to my room and he was like, "What have you done to yourself?" and I said, 'What?' He said, "Have you read this?"  And I said, 'yes'.  "What are we going to do about this?" And I said, 'The paper will be coming out tomorrow, what do you want me to do?' He said, "I have some money, can we just buy everything?" and I said, 'No'.  I saw the newspaper, I read it.  It was a week before I could get it to read.

CJ: And it sold?

BA: Yeah. They made their money; because at that time I was fully into politics.  I was contesting for departmental president and before then I was Welfare Secretary of my faculty.

CJ: Did it affect your election?

BA: I won the election! I won the election outright.

CJ: Do you think you won the election probably because... how did they get the story?

BA: I think it has to do with the kind of person I am. I know so many people - both white and black. I get connected to a lot of people through the Internet and when they come down to Nigeria they come to see me. And at a time, different cars came around to pick me and most times I didn't sleep in school, you know, all that stuff. So people started nosing around� it was real investigative journalism they were doing. People would give stories�

CJ: Was it a true story?

BA: I think you should ask them.

CJ: No, I didn't read it, so I'm asking you. Were there any lies in the account for instance � was it a malicious story, was it just a report... and how did you take it?

BA: Really, it wasn't malicious because it was precise � like "Bisi Alimi, Creative Arts Department, Year III, is gay � a confirmed gay for that matter." I think the part I didn't really agree to was the fact that I was the president of the University of Lagos gay community and I laughed.

CJ: Is there such a community?

BA: I don't know! (laughs) There is nothing like that: but I told the publisher, 'Prince, why do you have to do such publicity for me without getting a kobo from me?' - because it sounds so cheap. But after that, I wouldn't lie to you, it was hell for me in two ways. One, I had to contend with my classmates, and then I was dating a girl, so I had to keep telling people: 'It's not true, it's not true.' Two, the newspaper went out of school and a lot of people kept coming into UNILAG saying, "I want to see Bisi" - and I think that did a lot of harm.

CJ: This was when?

BA: [2003] - and the thing went round, even in the gay community; so Bisi Alimi became a terrorist name all over and I just had to run back into my closet.

CJ: Now, after the New Dawn interview, I spoke with a couple of guys who know you, and who I think are gay, and I could sense the fear - and resentment - because of what you had done... do you get the feeling that it's so with gay people generally? So you get hatred in two ways � from homophobes and from homosexuals � do you get that?

BA: Yes, I do. It's like that, you know. It's just like, if you're my friend, we move the streets together and then someone sees me on TV, it immediately connects � this guy is this guy's friend, does that mean that this guy is also doing the same thing? So most people, because they are still in the closet, most of them are trying to protect themselves. And I know, I've been receiving mail from my friends. When I left my house this morning, there were about ten of them around, and it was a big argument. "You don't have to do that! You've ruined us! Our parents are now asking us questions!" And some others said, "Yes we need it, some of us have been waiting for this � we want to come out now, because it takes someone to start something. Can you help us contact Funmi (Iyanda, presenter of New Dawn)?  We want to talk about it too." And others are like, "Don't be stupid!" So people are trying to hide, and then there's this stupid, crazy guy who has gone ahead to put everything in the open; there's trouble. That is where I am.  And you know, someone came back from school today and said people were talking about the show and girls were saying, "Oh, I like that guy!"

CJ: That's something I've always wanted to know. It does seem that reaction to gays from guys is different from that of girls. Girls are intrigued � or so I think - by the whole idea of a gay man and all that, is that so? And why?  Because I would think that, since the girls are the ones being deprived of guys, they should be the ones upset.
 
BA: The thing is, the girls are looking for a guy that can sit by their side and they will feel comfortable; [who] they can easily relate with.

CJ: Will & Grace, eh?

BA: Yeah. And guys are thinking, "This guy is bruising my ego � what an insult!" I remember someone called me and said, "Look at you, this handsome boy; you've got good diction, you're educated, is it that you have problems with girls?" And I said, no! A number of times, I'm walking on the street and girls have actually approached me and said, "I like you" - and I say, 'I like you too.'  Why don't we go to dinner? I tell them, 'Dinner � no more. I'm gay.' And they're shocked. I say, "We can talk, I'm not going to harm you." And most times, when they talk with me, I relate with them on the same level. Now, they are trying to see a girl in me; that will not discuss with them and go around telling people. Most girls prefer to talk to me than talk to their girlfriends.
 
CJ: Are you then saying that there is a girl in you? I want to understand: two questions actually interest me � one, is there a girl in you? And two, does someone have to have a girl in them to be gay?

BA: Let me answer the second one first. No. There are two ways to it. I always tell people: gay life is a normal life.  And I don't know why people are making so much noise about it. Why can't people just see gay people as normal people? Forget the fact that this guy has a different sexual preference � he's a normal person. What gives you joy is different from what gives me joy. You see� life is Biology � it's very broad. Some people think life is when you go to clubs every Friday, while some people think life starts and ends in the Bible. Some believe life is about the Koran. So, the fact that I go to clubs on Friday, doesn't mean I should criticise or condemn someone that goes to the church or the mosque. It goes the other way � you understand what I'm trying to say now? So if we learn to take people for what [they] are� I keep telling people, look away from my gay life; look at other aspects of my life. I have people walking up to me and saying, "Bisi, you are a great inspiration to me" � because I don't let go, that's one thing about me, until I achieve something. And if I set out to do something, I go all out to achieve what I want to achieve. People should just look at that. Now, the [other] question is the girl image. You know, I was discussing with a friend of mine from South Africa when we went for the African Junior Gay meeting and he said every man has a girl in him and every woman has a man in her. Whether you like it or not. Maybe you should try to be careful these days, sit down and look at yourself; sometimes you do things, after which you caution yourself and say: this thing is girl-like. And sometimes, a girl goes out of her way to do some manly things. But the percentage differs - some are very high, some are very low.

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