Outsourcing is our way of life, so get used to it
My wife called, as upset as I've ever heard her, that inarticulate sobbing where a person can barely breathe, never mind speak. "What? What is it?'' I demanded. My first thought was that she had snapped and murdered the children. "The boys?" I said. "Are the boys OK?" She made a sound that let me know they were. I begin flipping through my handy mental Rolodex of potential tragedies, wondering which one it would be. The cats, I decided. One of the cats must have finally gone. They're 15 or so now, which is 250 years old in human years.
Wednesday, July 7, 2004
Kerry passes up chance for history-making VP
My colleagues were debating the effect that John Kerry's naming of John Edwards as his running mate would have on undecided voters. I couldn't help myself: "What undecided voters?'' I exclaimed.
Monday, July 5, 2004
Blockbuster film delivers bust of a romantic pairing
Took the boys to see "Spider-Man 2" over the weekend. Worth every one of the four stars Roger Ebert gave it, for the jolting, vertiginous action scenes (Doc Oc is my favorite villain since Jabba the Hutt, hanging like a rag doll amidst his flailing tangle of steel arms). But someone should point out that Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst are one of the lamest romantic couples ever to grace the screen. Maguire can't close his eyes -- really, it's like they cast Bud Cort from "Harold and Maude'' as Spider-Man. He can't seem to close his enormous, teary, staring blue orbs, while she can't open hers, squinting unattractively out of that big round pumpkin head of hers.
Friday, July 2, 2004
Life in the village is great, even if it's not perfect
Ready for a shock? This will be my fifth Fourth -- the fifth 4th of July in Northbrook, the fifth time we all trooped to the Village Green for the pancake breakfast hosted by the VFW, lingering for a little bocce ball. It's a nice moment, settling in under the swaying trees, pouring the syrup, securing the napkins. The Village Green is the best part of town -- a fountain, a little gazebo where they have bands, a playground and a ballfield. I sip my coffee, take a big mouthful of pancake, look approvingly around and let the waves of burgermeister satisfaction roll over me.
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Do we lock 'em up and throw away the Gitmo key?
Ambivalence doesn't work very well in my job. You aren't paying your 50 cents, and surrendering irreplaceable seconds in your life, to read a lot of "on-one-hand-this-but-on-the-other-that'' fiddling. I figure, if you wanted that, you'd read the Tribune.
Monday, June 28, 2004
With Ryan gone, the real craziness can begin
Jack Ryan wasn't even cold in his political grave Friday when perennial candidate Andy Martin fired off an e-mail "NEWS FLASH" from his Las Vegas hotel room, announcing his candidacy for Senate and demanding the Illinois Republican Party ''conduct an open selection process'' that, one assumes, includes him.
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
Ryan revelations uncover skill in ducking questions
But laws in Illinois do forbid defiling a body. So perhaps Republican Senate hopeful -- or rather, no-hopeful -- Jack Ryan might yet be brought up on charges of molesting the cold remains of his political ambitions. His chances for higher office were dead long before his press conference Monday, but he managed to murder them yet again, at length and on TV, before the public and a dumbfounded press corps.
Monday, June 21, 2004
Will real GOP candidate please step up
Like a chained dog, snarling and snapping on its leash, I've found myself straining to sink my teeth yet again into Republican senatorial candidate Jack Ryan, unable to wait until the squishy details of his divorce finally begin dribbling out, to our mingled fascination and horror.
Friday, June 18, 2004
Cardinal's limo should yield for the faithful sometimes
All things being equal, we journalists tend to keep mum about the Catholic Church. In general it is not a "tell us what you think of us'' type of organization, and in particular, here in Chicago Francis Cardinal George is not particularly a "stop by for a cup of tea'' type of guy.
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Americans try again to ban all-American activity
People are stupid. They'll cut off their hand to keep from trimming their nails. Exhibit A: the proposed amendment to the Constitution to "prohibit the physical desecration of the flag,'' expected to crawl from the Senate Judiciary Committee limbo where it has slumbered for a year and come up for a vote, perhaps as early as Thursday, almost certainly by next week. This is the fifth time it has come up, and here is where it usually dies a well-earned death. But this time enough Democratic senators might defect -- the bill already has 57 co-sponsors -- and it might pass, according to my pal Sen. Dick Durbin. So there is a risk the monstrosity might actually be loosed upon the land.
Monday, June 14, 2004
Feeling hostile? Hug a pillow and call Hastert
A few years back, I wrote a column asking why suicidal people couldn't kill themselves at home, as opposed to leaping in front of my train. It seemed a reasonable request, but it inspired every grieving individual who ever lost a loved one to somehow get mad at me. They couldn't have been more angry had I knotted the rope for Timmy myself and kicked the stool out from under him.
Friday, June 11, 2004
How 8-year-old made dad a pawn in his own game
Usually, I have no trouble blurting out the most alarming details about myself. Call it a gift. When today's subject struck me, however, I felt chilled. Dare I confess? Have I the fortitude to utter the word?
